i did it

survived through the day on 3 hours of sleep, FDOTTOTM, no food and water - no time for it - till the very end (by then it was 10ish PM) and well a huge dose of funny humour. god i love my job. no seriously, i do.

i get a day off today y'see!

god i love my job.

did i just repeat that?

god i love my job.

oops i did it again!

anyways, some behind the scene pictures of the photoshoot are up for your viewing pleasure.

lam chih bing's golf conditioning shots.











mitch's fight shape program.







the club itself.







our wine bar and lounge.
background - ain and linde (who shocked me with their friendship re acquaintance through the photo and video shoot). foreground - mr crazy ass funny guy robbert (goes out of his way to inject wacky laughs; couldnt really tell at first but man was he hilarious when he wants to be) and our lovely skype.











the sky system - a training program.



















its 4 plus now! the photos sure took damn long to load!

crazy day ahead

i dont know how im going to survive through the day but i will, no matter how difficult or trying.

my day will begin at 5am later but im beyond tired right now and quite incapable of resting. my body is crying for rest but the mind is not willing to let it. my body is breaking down and im feeling the result of ill rest - on my face.

ive got a photo and video shoot to oversee from 7.30am onwards. it'll be like amazing race - it will even amount to something exciting if a problem presents itself to be a damn challenge to resolve.

if i managed to live through today without a glitch, that'd be magic.

unfortunately, i dont believe in magic (even though i love JK Rowling for her writing).

i realized one thing men in general have in common - they only ever think of solving a problem. well whoever said its a bad thing anyway?

for me? i see it as a private motto that got me going everytime i face a crisis: if there's a will, there's a way. well, there has got to be a way out in every situation! having optimism helps.

having said that, not every problem are meant to be solved anyway and not like every question definitely have an answer!

whats in my mind

being in a relationship is appealing to me.

but the status quo of hot and single but not looking for love appeals to me more. im not looking for passion but a passionate guy. there's an underlying irresistible charm about them.

im waiting to meet a like minded soul like that.

will the wait be worth while? we'll see.

iDecide to let the photos do the talking

im too tired to write. the photos shall justify the event.

event program: iDecide
theme: red
location: raffles city convention hall

Highlight: the food

































with the intern.








































mitch (a male colleague) giving a talk.



a colleague remarked something about the national colours.















beneath the convention hall are throngs of connected escalators

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

year after year, i thought of celebrating my birthday with a bang. it never happened due to many external factors. i thought i would celebrate it this year in style. but forget it. its not going to happen for another year.

last year was a brilliant surprise organized by viv together with the sim clique. celebrated last year's with TL whose birthday falls on precisely TODAY.

just wished him on gmail but i received no reply.. its alright. im sure he's enjoying his day already =)

here's myself and TL last year.



has it been one whole year already? it felt like yesterday that the picture was taken.

even if the day is almost over..

i can so identify with this



everything sounds precariously close to the truth.

while i was laying in bed during the wee hours of the morning [technically it was 1ish AM], i had a thought - a sudden one. the thought soon became an answer. i knew it had to be. it makes so much sense...why i had been kept waiting for so long. i did not dismiss the thought; it wasnt a painful one. this thought was a strong realization of who he is or has become. such naive misguided feelings contained within the abyss of my soul all throughout this long wait and who do i blame but myself.

over some time, seeking out novelty was your convenient way of justifying past events. i wont and cant stop you. its your prerogative. its not wrong, but its not right either.

"no one knows the real me now or what im capable of doing", those were words uttered in contempt.

i tried to understand where it was coming from. i grappled with it for a long time. maybe i missed out something during our talks? but i surrendered in defeat. it was beyond me. meaning to help out of concern but deemed more of a burden, i had left behind irreparable mess and destruction. thus i resolve not to get involved anymore. it will hold true to the end, a verbal agreement i made under duress and in tears.

i still wish you the best, thats all i can muster after coming to terms with it this time round.

im glad a few of the answers were found even if some were conjured to fill the gaping hole.

i can say this using a hundred different ways but it all means the same thing - love is a double edged sword. it cannot be farther from the truth. it serve as a reminder of my irrecoverable youth rather than intended for anyone of you.

unfortunately, im letting all these gnaw away at me tonight because im not strong enough to repel it. because i can feel the PMS trudging along looking for a friend to infect.

i finally understood why my eye has been twitching for the duration of this whole week. the wiser sis quipped i havent been getting enough sleep.

aye! aye!

no wonder i felt so testy the entire day! and churn out such emotional entry as a result.

dear readers, i cannot and should not be taken seriously tonight.

well, more work related event happening tomorrow. i dont wanna be stuck here all night long. gonna let my body run under a nice hot-warm water to de-tense the mind and body.

enjoy all but a great weekend ahead!

i want to R&R badly

it's crazy but my eye's still twitching. its been days. how do i get it to stop?!

i just finished some work. i thought i could get some R&R in but hell, no such luck.

many goals to work towards. even though im tired and lacked rest, but its worth it cos im happy. its comforting in a warped way.

met SW's girlfriend yesterday and talked to her for the first time - over work. through a series of coincidences, she turned out to be the colleague of one of my good friend, pinbing, and yes, also a fellow graduate from the uni. she asked about some of you - vivien, tl, ericia.. and so on. irene's very warm and extremely pleasant to talk to and we hung out a bit when my manager left us to our own device.

it has been said to death already.. we are a bunch of network, aren't we all? =)

peepers

my poor eye has been twitching a bit too intensely for the coupla days.

sad to say, ive tired them out completely.

well that's what i compelled myself to believe. im secretly fearful it might signify a bad omen.

i knnnooow.. trust me to be so superstitious.. except that, ive had clearly strong clairvoyance in the past.

ill leave it to whatever it is. i dont have time to think about this right now.

anyways, it was a short and sweet dinner/chill out sesh with cat, viv and tl at vivo. i met so many people at vivo today. i even saw edward from barracks but he seemed a lil confused when he saw me. i thought it was my long(er) hair that made me temporarily unrecognizable to him. he knew me as the girl with very short hair then. in the same breath, i also met julian from liquidroom. i was finally introduced to his girlfriend and wife-to-be. a confident young lady im glad to have met even though we only exchanged pleasantries. it didnt stop there. who else did i see when i was traveling home but sweekee. there are still more coincidences but honestly, ill just bore you to death with the stats.

singapore is just really small.

there's a warrior in me somewhere, said he.

i dont hate anymore. it's really draining, and frustrating and not effective. ive let up on the wrongs inflicted and trodden down memory lane many times over just because there were pretty good times. some were amazing. mostly, they were.

nostalgia night.

it's just not the same as i've hoped it would be.

and so i thought
i ought not.

letting go is just another chapter away.

destressing

what a crazy weekend put in, sourcing for photogs.

very pleasurably i have friends to while the weekend away with me.

did some catching up with viv (with the exclusion of essy who was down with a bad throat and fever, poor dear).

grainy pictures saw us at sentosa under the canopy of darkening sky.



needless to prove, it was a lovely evening. the sea did what it does best, at calming the work wreck in me.



i subsequently left viv to catch a pre-proposed movie, The Bucket List, with the boys. deep and adventuresome screenplay with talented actors. what not to love?

what did we do at kj's crib?



you tell me.

cereal for dinner

thats what ive been indulging in for the past 2 nights after work (ive been knocking off later and later). how healthy, huh?

i like my cereal at any hour of the day. its undoubtedly an all time favourite of mine.

with a generous pouring of milk thank you.

had an awful morning making plenty of calls! not only was mostly everyone on leave today, there was little assistance provided in sending my proposal over. unbelievable.

in other news, i was supposed to meet boon chong tonight after work but his cellphone batt went completely flat as soon as i answered his call so we didnt managed to pull off a late dinner after all. have you ever been caught in such an awkward situation? in retrospect, there was no way we could contact each other. all because the trusted technology failed on us (him especially) which we were pretty much heavily depended upon to begin with. alas. put the blame not on the technology but the user? we only have ourselves to blame are we not? oh well.

lastly, there's always time for parties no matter how busy i get... i cannot wait for the month of may to come.

feeling lumpy

having damn ulcers again.

i had it coming. wished i had drank enough water at work. my problem is just that im not one who down water by the gallons. i drink only when i feel like drinking, and that's rarely.

ulcers make me feel crappy.

ulcers and i dont co-exist very peacefully.

this week marked my close-to-1-month into the new career

reading the horoscope today was agonizing.



it probably doesnt mean anything to most of you but secretly, between those who understand.. reading it broke my heart.

the week before, i had the longest chat with my father over dinner one night. it was so meaningful and he made me feel so loved that i shed tears over his words. i never knew how much my father love me. but now i do.

its amazing seeing how much ive lost and gain within this short span of time.

i love yoga

...because it stabilizes my breathing. its worth a bunch of raves because sometimes i'd get so short of breath that i cannot focus on anything else but my breathing (or the lack of it) and i know its not asthma but rather something to do with the airways. like its blockaded or something, y'kno?

it feels exhilarating to breathe easy for a while. i felt surreal when i emerge from yoga classes and im in love with the idea of stretching and relaxing simultaneously. it makes me feel leaner all over again. and master suresh (the yoga master at my work place) had noted with relish that im actually quite flexible. he always tries to stretch our individual limits and thats quite intimidating yet wildly intoxicating at the same time.

on the work front, i must say im gradually getting the hang of things. the working hours fit me to a tee although its still a bit of a struggle waking up in the morning which dimly translates into im-really-not-much-of-a-morning-person.

well, health wise things are looking up as well. im getting back in shape all thanks to a more routinized lifestyle now. the occasional ulcers and outbreak still haunts me but ill soon see its demise if i take really good care of myself. er hopefully!

right, its a good night world and hello bed!

what consumes me?

perhaps my sentimentality, which i almost never really wanted to admit but did anyway.

perhaps my loyalty to all things that never kaput on me, is stabilized, reliable and steadfast all the way.

perhaps my excessive indulgence to fine food and fashion.

perhaps my sheer disappointment towards the unrepentant.

perhaps my innate encouragement for the wrongfully deserving.

perhaps my devoted love for friends, family and boyfriend (hypothetically).

perhaps my zealous love for life, living each day as if its the last.

perhaps my sanity that grows tumultuously in an inordinately mad world.

perhaps my careless optimism in view of negativity as is with growing societal concerns.

perhaps my arrogance in fighting for a worthy cause.

perhaps my persistence in pursuit of happyness [pun totally intended].

perhaps not of my sentimentality, loyalty, excessive indulgence, disappointment, encouragement, devotion, zealousness, insanity, optimism, arrogance nor persistence that consumes me.

perhaps, not what it is, but what i believe is eating away at me slowly, tortuously yet giving me the extra edge to renew my strength for the next battle.

perhaps is maybe, and maybe doesnt count.

addicted

ARGH.

moderation? checked!

food is God's greatest gift methinks. im the type of person who live to eat. good food can be soo orgasmic.

but sometimes too much of a good stuff is an overkill.

i lust for good plain (read: original) ole yogurt with no added sugar. oh the things i ingest to keep the system healthy.

thoughts

a girl once told me, that im someone she'd like to get to know better. maybe its because of the way i talk? or maybe its just the way i am. the same girl who shared her past experiences with me when i was at my lowest. she encouraged me to do many things. and of course, ditto for me.

her words were sometimes magical, i listened and obeyed. remember when she had wanted me to stay away from an admirer because he wasn't right for me, boy did i listen. she always talked sense into me, no matter how senseless i seem. she never gave up. always there, quietly supportive. never probing, even when the world was crashing down on me. she let me be, believing ill open up when im ready. when i want to be private for just a lil while. and when that "lil while" became too long, she'll start to knock some sense into me..

she's always encouraging. disapproving if she needs to be, like in the case of certain men in my life. but sometimes she's a lil like me. always pretending to be stronger than who we really are. maybe its this similarity that brought us closer.

she said i look more like a person who is call shannon, rather than my given name michelle. how cute i thought.

i remember buying her her first whiskey dry, and she was hooked since.

for a girl so petite and slim, she's definitely not a pushover. armed with her strong reasoning and grace, she would fight back with class.

she's got a giant heart. for a little person.

for the most part, she's not just beautiful outside but inside as well.

she's my dear ericia.

thank you dear, for all those sensible words you never thought would work on me. but it did.

a wanderlust wannabe

i finally got around to watching the movie Chocolat which ive been wanting to watch many years back. the very reason why i didnt was compelling enough. lets just say it was due to commitments that drew me away from my interests. well commitments aside, im glad i did watch it in the end. its always a matter of time isnt it? time never ventures too far away. its just a type of patience i guess. alright that was a lil off tangent. well im just trying to make sense of it.

i enjoyed it in spite of the differences between the movie and the book. very slightly so to speak.

what makes me happy isnt so much the act of watching the movie itself, but nestling between the sheets post a good movie; which in turn render me better dreams =)

so there, good night.

the long weekend

i had achilles heel pain over the weekend. it was inflamed and swelled. i was immobile and then on top of that i had to nurse a bad throat with honey.

no frets, im raring to go after a long weekend of rest. =)

caught Vantage Point on friday and i must say it practically got me alarmed several times. very clever twist of plot. no spoilers from me here for those who have yet to watch. the way the movie was filmed reminded me of The Butterfly Effect - i really love that movie btw, perhaps of its meaningful storyline to it. i know it doesnt make any sense but it did linked my thoughts to the latter movie.

it's officially ethan's birthday today. we got him a cute tie and a treble clef shaped cuff links to personify his musical talent as well as the creative soul in him as a future marketer. for the uninitiated, this is how a treble clef looks like,

to ethan: happy 24 and have a blasting career ahead!

we celebrated his birthday over dinner at sushi tei, vivo city. a stone's throw away from my workplace. it was supposed to be a surprise but he almost couldnt make it in the end due to projects and viv had to disclose her plans. was glad to see everyone that day. this reminds me of another thing - pictures! ah well. ill post pictures when ive gotten them. had a long fruitful chat with joanna that night; she sat beside me with the idea of wanting to share gossips with me ;) hahahaha.

in fact i was only having conversations to those seated around me. namely gillian [opposite], tl [to my right], viv [diagonally across] and joanna [to my left]. energy was seeping out from every pore. i felt drained and didnt even had appetite to eat dinner, to which tl had something to say; "how can you not have dinner after work?". in typical fashion, i usually have heavy dinner but certainly not that night. in spite of my dog tiredness, i was engaged in great conversations with most everyone that night. terence left early and we were pretty much left to our own devices after that. didnt even had a chance to talk to him to ask about his first day at work.

a brand new week awaits. busier week may i add.

time for me to sleep. good night world.

harbouring a fool within

i typed a nice long entry about reaching out.

but hit Ctrl+A after the momentum has vanished.

and entered delete.

its not meant to be understood. ill bear in mind not to be so silly anymore. ive learnt that you cannot be foolish too many times. once is a lesson, twice is stupidity, thrice is max. fourth spells hopelessness. there shouldnt be a fifth time. sigh. im beyond hope.

ive also figured that you cant base the present situation on things that were said in the past because things can change. words are worthless.

i thought i knew. but who knows? what to do. ill talk about it again when the mood strikes in a better light.

some things never change

and SATC has turned into a movie!



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

im in a susceptible frame of mind today so anyone i meet later can/will influence my mood. or so it says in the horoscope reading for myself.

i like this, Think straight today, no matter how crooked you feel.

i cant.
ive got a tired brain with a million things running through it.
i could relate to it already.

im happy to say that..

..everyone seems to be happy/satisfied/enjoying their career choices

..even though i feel 'brain dead' for the past few days [and got chided by cat for whining] because ive been hanging out late after work consecutively, i came home happier albeit more tired, than usual

..i got an ideal job that i feel passionate about

..whatever michelle wants, michelle gets [everyone needs a lucky streak at some point, hey!]

..i am still in touch with everyone and havent lost touch with anyone

..ive happy things to tell =)

funny bush moments

guess who i saw at MoS?

a lil drama soon ensued, so to speak. but theres no way you could blame 2 intoxicated men. it was a great night nonetheless.

will upload more pictures later. the server's quite cranky right now.

ive been crooning the whole night to songs after songs. i miss singing in a room with noisy dancy people.

im quite breathless right now. literally.



i like this song btw.

sticky situation

i need to calm down.

kind and comforting words were spoken, "it works that way"

harsh words told, "you're in the worst situation"

ringing in my hears of words spoken "it works that way"... but does it?

perhaps. ive only just begun to understand the stickiness of this formalistic affair.

hopefully, with some grace and a bit of luck, i will be able to inflict the least damage.

i want the best for myself and everybody involved.

here to stay

im back.

i'll begin on a clean slate by first thanking ericia for the encouragement to blog again.

my presence [or the lack of] must have been missed heaps.
i hopeeeeeeee.

well im back for good and here to stay.

something to say

the blog was closed but now it's re emerged.
it's been a great period of convalesce. it brought immense reward and serenity.

now that im reconnecting, im also holding back at the same time. i dont kno why, maybe im just silently watching, waiting and retreating.

its all good. all good. :)

the closing of a journey

i'll be closing my blog.
i won't be writing anymore.
will probably disappear from the web for a while till everything gets better.
BTW, i am fine!
just needed a new perspective, that's all.

writing used to be my retreat; it still is.
i write for friends and people i care about very much.
i don't write for anyone else besides that.
i've done so much for others, it's time i focus more on myself.
i realized i've been trying to be strong.
trying, but never quite there.
i'm trying to be strong here.
give me your support.

i've been holding it in for a very long time now.
a longer time than usual.
i'm very stubborn, opinionated and persistent; everyone knows that.
some learn it the hard way.
i didn't choose to talk about it because it was hard.
it'll never be easy for me.

i'll deal with the baggage my way.
the best way i know.
it will be a tough journey but it won't take long.
i've a time frame.

to prepare many of you in advance, no news means good news.

i've to do this.
i need to do it.

you won't hear from me.
this will be my last word.

convalescing

just a quick entry before i head out.

i had quite a bad day yesterday.

slept at 11PM the night before but kept turning and tossing in bed the whole night. i had a fitful sleep. so i decided to read my book. i surrendered after 2-3 hours in bed because i simply cannot fall asleep. only managed to fall into a normal slumber at 2AM.

which was why i woke up still really tired. met up with cat for gym/swim at ICON. TL and Terence joined afterwards.

after a warm bath, i felt my left arm all achy. muscle rheumatism set in. that destroyed the night for me. terence said i look damn stone. i due it to tiredness. nobody seems to be talking much last night except for vivien.

returned home really late and launched into a meticulous state of clearing out the knick knacks in my drawers - all 3 of them. i have a weird knack of doing things in the middle of the night.

i definitely feel much better today. i'm setting off to meet manda for a night out. =)

guess what? tomorrow is DVD day at ICON and dinner gathering afterwards. i've yet to think of a place to eat. i'm too tired to think anymore. so if i can't think of a dinner place then we'll play by tastebuds again.

cat is starting work on monday. i'm anxious for her. i hope school and career all pan out for her during this period.

the little things

apparently, i've enjoyed plentiful of rest these recent days. but the lower limbs still feels like thick lead. heaviness aside, i'm in a very good mood today.

terence called, and after a short conversation said that my phone's spoilt. i said i know, which is why i was cupping over the mouth piece with my hands. he said he was cupping his hands too - over his ears. that made us laugh.

then ericia was telling me she have congested nose. i told her she needs a good dose of vitamin C and she's over exhausted. but she told me she's just pu zua - heaty. cuteness.

and now sheena is telling me she's off on a mysterious date - but not really that mysterious because i know who that is. ;)

the little things that made me smile, are from the people i love. =)

have a good love-d up day!

can't get enough

jessica and i caught the last showing of 27 dresses at cineleisure today. boy was i glad we hadn't missed out on a great flick. it wasn't merely a chick flick. the dialogue had wittiness, humour and entertainment to it. i absolutely love the songs they played in the film.

especially this one by Ray LaMontagne call Be Here Now.
it's hauntingly beautiful.



lyrics
Don't let your mind get weary and confused..
your will be still; don't try.
Don't let your heart get heavy, child;
inside you there's a strength that lies.

Don't let your soul get lonely, child..
it's only time; it will go by.
Don't look for love in faces, places —
it's in you; that's where you'll find kindness.

Be here.. be here now.. be here now..
be.. be here now.. be here now...

Don't lose your faith in me,
and I will try not to lose faith in you.
Don't put your trust in walls,
'cause walls will only crush you when they fall.

Be...be here now... be here now.
Be...be here now...be here now.

i can't find the full versh at imeem. sadness.

sheena called, bringing happy news. i'm thrilled for her new career. it reminds me; one good turn deserves another =).

stuck in my head | the song that never ends

remember lamb chops play along? i watched that when i was young!

this is the song that never ends
it goes on and on my friend
some people started singing without knowing what it was
and they continued singing it forever just because...
this is the song that never ends
it goes on and on my friend
some people started singing without knowing what it was
and they continued singing it forever just because...
this is the song that never ends
it goes on and on my friend
some people started singing without knowing what it was
and they continued singing it forever just because...
(repeat till you keel over from laughing)

for the benefit of the uninitiated, watch the clip.

what change? maybe it's just a mood

many things have changed. for better and for worse. i know i have - in both ways. i can't seem to recover from being sick either. funny how i always deny about being weak when i'm sick but yet i'm weaker than i thought i was. sociability wise, i'm a lot quieter than i used to be. talk about wanting to do public relations! maybe i should reconsider. or maybe i just need a nice long rest. i'm running out of steam, i can feel it. subconsciously, i catch myself spacing out frequently. it's not like i'm depressed. but something's definitely bothering me and i need to find out what it is. i'm as clueless as you are.

back then i believed crying my heart out would make me feel better. but it didn't work that way. in reality, i feel worse after several sobs. many in fact. i know i need to put an end to this no matter how. it's depressing and worrying in a way. it's like being crush beneath a boulder.

maybe i'm beat. for some reason, i haven't had a rest in 8 months.

just got back from zouk with ericia, terence and pals. joanne went missing after i left her at members to be with her friends. needless to say, met many people there. never fail to see jason as well. jason aka muthu (some inside joke). i've a love-hate relationship with zouk. i'll spare the ugly details. it's wonderful bumping into old friends - everyone i know goes to zouk. it was a bearable night despite the aggressive crowd (trance crowd are always more violent), lack of dancing space and migraine. i'm glad i'm with the right company. lovely friends make a world of difference. =)

for all i know, this might just be a mood phase.

hospitalized for pneumonia

my ye ye. a figure not particularly close to me.
for that reason, i rarely felt any form of affection for him.

i feel an odd sensation growing in the pits of my stomach, unbeknownst to myself.

he's still my grandfather however.

i honestly hope he's alright... i really really do.

feeble

what a time to fall weak and sick.

anyway, Gong Xi Fa Cai all.

where can i get salmon concealer?

a lil' somethin' for the NY

black is so passe for me.

citigroup summit '08

was roped in at the last moment with very lil schedule, which suited me fine. i was feeling mildly feverish and slightly coughy by the end of 13.5hours yesterday.

managed to mask my sickness with a bright cheery smile.

(L-R) With 5 other lovely delegate helpers.
Umehara Rei, Sherrie Siew, Elaine Toh, Myself, Grace Siew and Felicia Fan

it was fun while it lasted.
not forgetting the silly games we played when we were bored and the forfeits we had when we lost. =)

gotta prepare for work soon.
can't wait for beach, salsa and alcohol tomorrow.
btw, i remembered i was told cod liver oil is good for over ingesting alcohol. apparently, there wasn't any relation between the two. i wish there were though.

sleepless

it's not easy to do this anymore.
what started out as something is becoming nothing anymore.
maybe i need more than just a hug.
i need answers i'll never get.

i never bow.
i never regret.

perhaps, i'll never get answers.

it used to be nice to have someone to fret over you when you were sick. that's when dependence came along.

but i'll be okay once this storm passes over.
i just need more rest, that's all.

same old, same old

it's no good.
my legs, they are acting up.
and like always, decked in long cotton pants and knee-high socks just like young school girls, to keep them warm and snuggly. =)

stop hurting, start living.

You cannot imagine how tired I am.

Anyway, I came across something interesting when I checked in my Friendster.

Just when I was about to give up trying to rid someone out of my life, this piece of advice came in handy and kept me going (again).

Indeed, I've been on a binge lately. Food is my solace. I'm cleaning up my (diet) act though. I don't relish falling sick from overeating all over again. *burp*

achingly, yours truly

The head feels heavy. A fever is imminent. I'm really jaded. And I feel so freaking tired every day. Taking a pro-active effort to stop my night jobs. I know I'll be broke but better broke than tired every single effing day.

Over and out.