Weird sleeping habit

Roused from my sleep with sweat on my back. And so the coughing fit starts. It has been like this for the past few days. Never a good night's rest. The fever came back again when I was at work on Monday. It wouldn't have felt so bad if the medicine actually work.

Seen 3 doctors over the week and got new or re-prescription but still no progress. Wow. It must be one kind of resilient virus. 

Sick health aside. I'm going to KL for ASOT in March! It's been a long awaited trip. Still with the same group I went with to Melaka for Freedom years ago. Which was a blast. 

Should probably update that I just did Root Canal Treatment over CNY. Worst decision ever. I'd show you pictures but it's not a pretty sight. 

Never again. I can't warn my friends and family enough about this. Not worth the pain and trouble to end up with having a dead tooth in your mouth. Pain is probably the only thing you'll take away from the therapy and nothing else. 

It's expensive ($2000+), super troublesome (3 rounds of RCT plus 2 rounds of crowning), and you still need to care for it like you would your other teeth despite it being a dead tooth (meaning you can't feel pain). And you basically pray that you take such good care of it, it won't decay (yes it can) in the near future so that you don't have to PLUCK IT OUT. Yes, eventually. See how it's not worth the trouble?

Its already 6am. I should try going back to sleep. 

The pretty nice stuff in retrospect

For a day, my account was hacked and blogs mysteriously disappeared. Mega thanks to Sheena's panic alert, I managed to restore everything to its former glory. Thank God for security system and dear Sheena's urgent notification that I couldn't ignore.

Couldn't say the events of 2011 has fully sunk in for me. Everything is still as it was. And workload gets heavier after the integration of every campaign. I hate to be the last to leave the office every night. It's not my resolution for the year! Every work rat sure has its day. Twenty-four hours to get things done, and still be semi sane the next day. What an art.

On the home front, I just acquired a fancy new bed that I've saved up for and am refurbishing parts of the house. I have bundled up mountains of unwanted shoes and clothes to make space for new ones. It's super freaking therapeutic and zen like to describe the least.

Most recently, I'm starting to eat healthily again thanks to the boyfriend's influence. More greens, sans fried fatty bits. Though he'll surely beg to differ when I'm still stuffing my face with sugar treats! I've not paid my dues for all the indulgent feasts to either take to the gym or hit the road for a run. I'm frequently either preoccupied with work or downright exhausted from it. Whatever distance I cover from walking, my glutes, calves and thigh begin to hurt. In short, I'm in morbid danger of becoming a sloth. So I took up lunch time yoga with a colleague. Great decision. Boy, it was all that I needed really.

Mentally, I feel pretty good about myself - a state of equilibrium from being surrounded by great friends, a loving family, amazing colleagues and a perfect boyfriend who doesn't overindulge your odd whims and fancies.

The social circle I am close with are still the same people from my younger days. Many of us has made serious plans to get into long term relationship or to create a family unit. Some, like me, has made commitments to The One - for me, this part is the most amazing process.

30 minutes into penning this, I realized the need to self dedicate this post as a back patting morale booster. Personally, I felt I had made the most out of what was given and turn it into something I'd be proud to add to the list in years to come.

In my life, I've met many great people and some mean ones. Some of them weaved gold thread in the fabric of my life and some weaved burlap. Yet, all of these people added colours to my years making it possible to share interesting stories on and offline. I am deeply humbled and grateful for all the kind support and wise words bestowed by friends and people from all walks of life.

For the most part, I've been very guilty of social neglection, extremely selfish in my pursuit of perfection, uninterested in charitable matters and the unglamourous list goes on. I'm probably not going to change much over the next few years. What truly touches me is having people still love me for me.

What exactly am I known for?

Maybe the tough tenacity to bounce back to form again and again.

And yes, a sucker for sentimental thoughts and thus this post. :)

More importantly, this post is for you my dearest faithful friends and gorgeous boyfriend. :)

::

Such a good feeling to let it out! Basically, this entry has evolved from a form of destress to one of faith, optimism and love. Thanks for making me feel better through your lasting friendship and support. Quite possibly, a little bit of tough love as well. :)

The benefits of a doubt

You can't help but be drawn back to a certain sermon on forgiveness.

You couldn't do it.

Anger masks everything. You realized the surest way to be respectful is to give others the benefit of the doubt.

But now the joke's on you. And you feel like you don't wanna say anything anymore.

A light of optimism flashes upon you, telling you to be positive. You realized you won't be down for long.

Sweet awakening

Something happened. You could call it life changing.

Now it's just about crossing my fingers and toes, hoping for the best there is.

I haven't so much as spoken in earnest before today. And boy, relief was all mine when it was over.

I grasped a salient point today. I'd rather lose my financial blanket than lose myself.

This is a fair world after all.

an elapsed mantra

Until you wait for the right time, things will be a standstill.

There is no right time.

Strike while the iron is hot.

Strike or get strike.

Just do it.

Once in hesitation, time has slipped on by.

You lose the momentum.

Be spontaneous.

Get inspired.

You will be rewarded.

reflecting on an earlier convo with a girlfriend...

i'm clearly misguided and lacked objective.

pride has been my best friend.

in one swoosh, i fell for it hook, line and sinker.

but worse things have happened to better people.

it was never meant to be this serious.

how remarkably unintended... this bloody passive mess.

the journey

i thought i saw someone from my haunting past yesterday. excitedly told cia but turned out we were both wrong.

but the point isn't just that. the prime point is that i could look her in the eye and not wince or hide. my eyes darted around for him. my heart was racing but it wasn't panic. it was psyched. i really wanted to look at them and see the difference between us. how strong they've made me. ahh the sense of pride, really.

i'm fortunate in the sense i've not seen what could hurt the most in 2 years. not once in 2 years when i was recovering from the post trauma.

however, i'm ready. and nothing else matters anymore.

it's a sign of milestone. for me, at least.

i guess i'm becoming like a whole new breed of independent women. i wouldn't dare say i've been through plenty of hardship (it's true) but i've seen enough (by my standard) to make the decisions i've made.

it's been a great journey trudged. i loved every moment of it.

special thanks to sheena who shot me a deep question and let me ponder... :)

thank you also to each and everyone of you beloved ones who enforced wise words upon me.

i continue learning everyday.

an awful monday

i hate it when i cannot defend my friend. i hate being too nice. i hate traps. i certainly hate it when people expect me to understand their problems when i really don't.

i can't air my grievance at all.

it really sucks.

i feel stuck.

i dread tomorrow already.

i really needed to lose some steam so i went for yoga. met cute guy. my bad. i shouldn't call him cute. there are really no cute guys in yoga. period.

i'm feeling slightly sore about the whole thing. friends should never be involved unless i knew firsthand what was to come. i hate it when my trust is misused.

there was an apology.

but the trust is misplaced already.

i don't risk friendships for benefits. and i don't like being told i'm wrong and naive to think that way.

i'm capable of thinking for myself.

i had the bluest monday, it's almost black :(

the priority list

a dramatic morning ensued. inwardly. battled thoughts of confrontation but decided it was meaningless.

saw a note that simply destroyed whatever good mood i was in. miscommunication is underrated. and hurting.

good thing i arrived earlier and managed to hide the note from my same desk coworker. no reason to ruin someone's perfectly good mood like that.

the art of playing dumb came in extremely handy today. there are times where one must refrain from revealing emotions openly. this was one such time.

the evening ended off being rather toned down. i also saw the need to sort out my priority list.

it's been rough but i feel a tinge better already. special thanks for the call to check on me, cia dear!

trite but true

something rather funny yet unbelievable happened to viv and i today.

she transferred money to me. but not to my current account.

she had unknowing been transferring money to my ex-bf's account. we both gasped when we found out the folly mistake. but no follow up action will be taken. things are best left the way they are now. im happy as he is. thing was, the moment she read out the numbers to me, i found it extremely odd but confirmed my suspicion with the bank.

i will bear the loss. its a pinch but its also a small price to pay. perhaps its a sign that i owe him something. something like karma, just not so serious. plus viv has already changed the account setting soon after.

all's good for now.

maybe the money will be transferred back into my account by magic.

right! fat chance!

crazy day ahead

i dont know how im going to survive through the day but i will, no matter how difficult or trying.

my day will begin at 5am later but im beyond tired right now and quite incapable of resting. my body is crying for rest but the mind is not willing to let it. my body is breaking down and im feeling the result of ill rest - on my face.

ive got a photo and video shoot to oversee from 7.30am onwards. it'll be like amazing race - it will even amount to something exciting if a problem presents itself to be a damn challenge to resolve.

if i managed to live through today without a glitch, that'd be magic.

unfortunately, i dont believe in magic (even though i love JK Rowling for her writing).

i realized one thing men in general have in common - they only ever think of solving a problem. well whoever said its a bad thing anyway?

for me? i see it as a private motto that got me going everytime i face a crisis: if there's a will, there's a way. well, there has got to be a way out in every situation! having optimism helps.

having said that, not every problem are meant to be solved anyway and not like every question definitely have an answer!

sticky situation

i need to calm down.

kind and comforting words were spoken, "it works that way"

harsh words told, "you're in the worst situation"

ringing in my hears of words spoken "it works that way"... but does it?

perhaps. ive only just begun to understand the stickiness of this formalistic affair.

hopefully, with some grace and a bit of luck, i will be able to inflict the least damage.

i want the best for myself and everybody involved.

here to stay

im back.

i'll begin on a clean slate by first thanking ericia for the encouragement to blog again.

my presence [or the lack of] must have been missed heaps.
i hopeeeeeeee.

well im back for good and here to stay.

creepy stranger

i miss singing for hours on end, X times per week.

yesterday saw the SIM clique singing at a certain partyworld in clementi.
pity we didn't take any pictures.
although i did filmed a short clip of viv and ziyang shaking their booties to see who can shake the best. and although viv needs some cajoling when she knows i'm going to film it.
haha.
but i can't upload it due to the frustrating format of the clip i.e. 3gpp movie.

finally get to meet up with sheena and manda.
had our usual tete-a-tete updates.
and as usual, couldn't bear to leave each other at the end of the night.
if only there are more nights like these - i really miss singing and lounging about just reminiscing about the good days, hearing friends surprise you with good news..



picture perfect.


i wonder when will we be hanging out again?


i've yet to meet up with a lot more people - anya, ying, claris, gerrard, ping, rox, aimee&leon, joanne&shan, THE summit crew, essy, mich, charm, nic and god knows who else...

onto a stalkish incident that happened last night.
i had always been cautious of my surroundings esp at night when i'm travelling home late.
and last night was no difference.
i was followed home by this chinese singaporean middle age man all the way from bugis (i remembered seeing him there when i was with the girls).
he had a folded chinese newspaper under his pits and carried a departmental store plastic bag of sort.

i will try to re-enact the whole scene with as much details as i could remember.

with a lil knowledge of self defence, i always had my handphone in the palm of my hands, ready to strike if i'm caught in a bad situation. my ex once told me, having a hard object in hand can create a hard hit to the guy and aim for the nose, i was told. because the guy in question would then have lil/no hands to subdue me (what with using his hands to cover his nose), rendering me free to escape.

i also tested the guy to see if he was really following me. i don't really want to make a mistake but neither do i want to give any chances. i actually slowed down my pace to see if the guy would hurried me by (this usually happens a lot due to the late hours and ppl everywhere are rushing to get home). but he did not. i walked really slow. but he'd walk even slower. he kept a very safe distance, so much so that when i deliberately tried to swing my head right and left to see if i could acquire a better image of him, i simply couldn't make out how he look like. the worst thing was, i was all alone.

when i reached my block, instincts told me not to go up as yet.

i walked in circles around my lift. and he followed suit!! i thought to myself shit what should i do. and i did the very michelle wan thing. i confronted him. why are you following me, i raised my voice. he let out a huh and inched in closer. i swear i was going to cry. there was no one around me. my main hp line was flat but fortunately, i brought a spare phone out and started dialling manda's number. i also started to walk towards the carpark to see if i could get any assistance. i saw a car washer attendant!

when manda picked up the phone, my voice broke. i held back tears. the man hung around the estate for a long time even when i was shooting dagger stares at him (i was already in safe hands with the car washer as companion and manda was on the phone to comfort me). i swear that guy was a psycho. he had no clue how the estate works and actually walked into a dead end. he wouldn't walk there if he really lives here.

i was on the phone with manda the whole time and the guy made several detours, giving me the creepy stares. he finally turned into a corner and disappeared. i couldn't really see where he was going in the darkness.

i phoned my lil sis and my voice broke a second time. she came armed with a long brolly, holding both ends of it and resting it on her hind shoulders, looking ready to strike. she actually walked around the estate to see if the guy was still around. i followed behind, answering her every questions. she was so cute and i started to smile, no longer as frightened.

but i was still very shaken by the incident.

it was a lucky thing i was alert.