The pretty nice stuff in retrospect

For a day, my account was hacked and blogs mysteriously disappeared. Mega thanks to Sheena's panic alert, I managed to restore everything to its former glory. Thank God for security system and dear Sheena's urgent notification that I couldn't ignore.

Couldn't say the events of 2011 has fully sunk in for me. Everything is still as it was. And workload gets heavier after the integration of every campaign. I hate to be the last to leave the office every night. It's not my resolution for the year! Every work rat sure has its day. Twenty-four hours to get things done, and still be semi sane the next day. What an art.

On the home front, I just acquired a fancy new bed that I've saved up for and am refurbishing parts of the house. I have bundled up mountains of unwanted shoes and clothes to make space for new ones. It's super freaking therapeutic and zen like to describe the least.

Most recently, I'm starting to eat healthily again thanks to the boyfriend's influence. More greens, sans fried fatty bits. Though he'll surely beg to differ when I'm still stuffing my face with sugar treats! I've not paid my dues for all the indulgent feasts to either take to the gym or hit the road for a run. I'm frequently either preoccupied with work or downright exhausted from it. Whatever distance I cover from walking, my glutes, calves and thigh begin to hurt. In short, I'm in morbid danger of becoming a sloth. So I took up lunch time yoga with a colleague. Great decision. Boy, it was all that I needed really.

Mentally, I feel pretty good about myself - a state of equilibrium from being surrounded by great friends, a loving family, amazing colleagues and a perfect boyfriend who doesn't overindulge your odd whims and fancies.

The social circle I am close with are still the same people from my younger days. Many of us has made serious plans to get into long term relationship or to create a family unit. Some, like me, has made commitments to The One - for me, this part is the most amazing process.

30 minutes into penning this, I realized the need to self dedicate this post as a back patting morale booster. Personally, I felt I had made the most out of what was given and turn it into something I'd be proud to add to the list in years to come.

In my life, I've met many great people and some mean ones. Some of them weaved gold thread in the fabric of my life and some weaved burlap. Yet, all of these people added colours to my years making it possible to share interesting stories on and offline. I am deeply humbled and grateful for all the kind support and wise words bestowed by friends and people from all walks of life.

For the most part, I've been very guilty of social neglection, extremely selfish in my pursuit of perfection, uninterested in charitable matters and the unglamourous list goes on. I'm probably not going to change much over the next few years. What truly touches me is having people still love me for me.

What exactly am I known for?

Maybe the tough tenacity to bounce back to form again and again.

And yes, a sucker for sentimental thoughts and thus this post. :)

More importantly, this post is for you my dearest faithful friends and gorgeous boyfriend. :)

::

Such a good feeling to let it out! Basically, this entry has evolved from a form of destress to one of faith, optimism and love. Thanks for making me feel better through your lasting friendship and support. Quite possibly, a little bit of tough love as well. :)

In loving memory of 2010

The year is closing in a couple more days. I half wished for this year to be over so I can quickly embrace the next one as a woman with grand plans.

Paying a special tribute to 2010 as the year I met my Mr. Perfect, during a time when I was convinced perfect was an elusive term.

This year is quite something. There were hits and misses in equal parts. I have gained and lost someone close to my heart.

There will never be a good time to let someone know how much you love them so this year is a great reminder. I am done grieving.

And just because I am feeling extra morbid tonight, I wish my loved ones will celebrate the life I had led and not the ones I have lost, when the time comes. 

Ever a great man, always a great uncle. Of all the wonderful memories you have left behind, you have touched my life as you have others. I have learned to embrace life as you have. You will always be missed, Uncle Ben.

stalled at the age when you could hurt me most

as far as i can remember, i had always been on extreme ends of the spectrum. i dont do like. either i love it or i hate it. i was brought up to be strong that way.

recently, i found myself clinging on to things that aren't there anymore. without realizing, we've already left that place and time and stepped foot into another.

it never lasts long or feels real enough. perhaps, it was something we've been waiting for that never came to exist.

standing at the crossroads where i am now, the moment of truth appears. where universes collide, do i wait for what i want, to collide with what i've lived?

what are my chances anyways?

for what it's worth, i've not forgotten how it feels like to love and be loved.

still, i sink a lil deeper each time love found me. i watch myself go just a lil bit further. until there's nothing left but suffocation.

how many of us ever realize how stuck in the past we really are...

sighs.

one word

wrong.

laying low for a while.

i understood that denying it makes me feel worse than it actually is.

walking away seems like the only thing i can't compromise on right now.

as awful as im feeling right now, im glad to have consoling distractions.

back from batam

resolutions for 2009

i have two Must-Dos which are relatively simple to keep:

1. i wont keep thoughts of the past in my head. truth be told, 2008 had been spent wondering and reminiscing about the past (especially the second part of the year). i hadnt stopped myself from those fantasies even though i could easily. but i will not be spending useless time thinking about those things anymore in 2009, because they arent good stuff for the brain/heart. of course, i cant stop such thoughts from surfacing but i can stop myself from wandering off.

2. i wont argue with my sister incessantly anymore, like we've been for the past couple of months. i still feel like knocking sense into her obstinate head sometimes but fighting is no use. she's family and even if she gets on my nerve a million times over, i still love her. plus, she's always been giving in to my whims and warped sense of idealism so it's really payback time..and hopefully pay it forward as well. the best thing is...i have a knack for being patient with stubborn people.

seriously, they are more achievable than previous shallow new year resolutions because they will make me a better person. as always, there's a possibility i might waver but lets not go there first.

something to say

the blog was closed but now it's re emerged.
it's been a great period of convalesce. it brought immense reward and serenity.

now that im reconnecting, im also holding back at the same time. i dont kno why, maybe im just silently watching, waiting and retreating.

its all good. all good. :)