Last year of being single

These days, I write when there's a need to archive my thoughts and feelings.

1) My mom found her biological family

Might I add, within a month of searching and we found them! They're really awesome and we never thought they'll be so happy to have us. It is really a blessing. They're all turning up for our wedding and there's nothing more to ask for.

2) Nick proposed 

This deserves an entire post on its own.

3) I got my driving license

When I first proclaimed I'll get my license, not many share the same enthusiasm. Haha. I'm better off the roads some friends quipped. But I made it anyway! I'm so proud of myself :D My license arrived bearing a bonus SG50 logo.

4) I changed job

And love what I do now!

5) LKY's death and 50th National Day

Everybody thought he'll never die. Afterall, he's a legend. I regain a newfound respect in the Founding Father's death. I cried and deeply missed him. I learnt more about him in his demise than when he was alive. Having celebrated the nation's 50th birthday in our lifetime was a real honour.

6) Preparing for the wedding

Lets just say I was a real cryzilla. It's stressful having to deal with parents and in-law's expectations but Nick has been a rock through these, ever understanding and patient with my emotional outbursts and meltdowns. Thankfully, I've been real efficient. 1 month to go and I'm 99% done with the prep. Hurrah! Lets pray for a smooth month ahead with no more soppy dramas.

7) Marriage prep course

It's fun. Everyone should attend one. Even singles. I loved it so much I wanted to repeat the course.

8) Major room renovation

We built an extension to house our walk-in wardrobe to make space for a king bed since we haven't gotten our house yet. Wallpapered everything and now it feels like a resort. Now we look forward to coming home everyday. New room is awesome.

9) Finally getting our dream house

Okay. Results aren't out yet but we're super hopeful we'll be able to get it!

10) SG50 everything

Need I say more?? Everybody gains! Consumerism rocks.

This has been a fabulous year and I know I'll never have to face life alone because I'm going to marry a fantastic companion. Also, being a sentimental person, I found that I've been looking back lesser now. I realised you're only as good as your last good works. I used to glow and bask in my former glories but realised nobody remembers you for what you do, but who you are and how you make them feel. I don't reminisce the past and I no longer wish for the good old days. I love what life has dealt me before to help me grow into this very person I am today. Spiritually, I know I'm not perfect but He is. Faith comes from hearing, even if we haven't witnessed a miracle. So have faith, give blessings and love abundantly.

To a happier and kinder 2016 ahead.

A year of tremendous change

It's mid November and I am hearing people exclaim how fast the year has been. Nick said to me earlier, "So much has happened this year"

There was a pause, to which he rattled off a list of events that unfolded throughout the year. 

"There was the proposal, sky closed down, you got a new job, PSB (he became an adjunct lecturer), 2 nose surgeries (to remove a benign tumour), our house getting renovated, new bed (that we can't wait to jump onto)..."

What a year!

"And we're getting married", I added

"Counting our blessings", he enthused with a cute grin.  

And I've seen a change in the man I'm about to wed in a matter of months. I never thought it'd be possible to make someone so happy. I can't wait to settle into our awesome new life. Its getting closer everyday. 

::

I remember having a weird feeling about Friday the 13th. Was uneasy but I can't explain it. Until I saw the shocking reports on Paris being attacked. I've friends who are traveling and our church friends are still there as I'm writing this. I can't imagine how the situation must be like for those who're trying to get out. Stay strong, Paris. We'll go through this together. 

A wise decision made

So much drama has occurred ever since Nick was hospitalised. I'm so relieved everything is sorted out and we're both led onto the wise and logical path again after much diversion. 

A huge rock has been lifted off my chest today. And I've decided not to pursue the warped ignorance of a man whom Nick calls his uncle. He, who almost persuaded Nick to do the most illogical thing. That'll be his own downfall eventually and I won't be there to witness it. 

For now, my focus is on my fiancé, his wellbeing and our future. 

The Proposal

I can't contain my excitement. He got down on one knee and proposed on our 5th anniversary (30 Jan '15). It still felt so surreal (split second hesitation on how real it was or if I was dreaming). I actually forgot to say yes. My voice was robbed, I basically shoved my bony fingers into his face because there was so much tears in my eyes it fogged my brain. 

Exactly one day earlier before the proposal, I was at a company retreat and a totally random and sudden thought occurred to me that he might just pop the question THIS year. Things have been going beyond exceptional for me since the beginning of the year and I thought a proposal will top it. I just didn't expect it to be so quick, which explains why I was in tears and basically almost a bubbling mess of happiness and surprise when it happened. 

It was a long awaited question that I've patiently waited for years, and I'm so happy he did it on a special day of ours. But nothing surprised me more than the shock and initial confusion I got when I spunned around (thinking I was posing for a snap with my flowers at Ericia's insistence) and saw all the expectant and happy familiar faces. When I think back now, I only started tearing when I saw my family's faces (Mabel & Alina) and only did I realised what was happening. They were the first faces I spotted. 

It all happened so fast. I couldn't stop crying. In my mind, I was actually screaming OMG HE'S GONNA PROPOSE I MUST BASK IN THIS MOMENT BEFORE IT'S GONE. But the truth is I wasn't even listening to what he said (I was screaming with excitement in my head) and had to ask him to repeat what he said afterwards. I've never been so touched in my entire life that since then, I've been crying and tearing every time I think back. It's super special also because it was a dream proposal of mine to have all my family, friends and loved ones witnessing the man I love proposing to me. It was literally everything I wanted it to be. (I'm still crying writing this)

The first time I thought he was gonna propose was when we holidayed in Maldives. My colleagues had put that thought into my head. And I even jokingly asked him about it and he said not to expect much in a rather non-commital and reluctant manner. I knew he was trying to manage my expectations. But I still couldn't help thinking if it was gonna happen the entire trip. Especially when he planned a super romantic dinner by the beach and took me on a BLINDFOLDED long stroll before reaching a private and quiet beach with a beautiful setup - a decorated table in a circle of candles and flowers. I thought that was it. But it didn't happen. And my hopes of it happening just diminishes with time. Blindfolded! Can you imagine how fast my heart was beating? And can you imagine the incredulity that there was NO proposal at the most romantic place on earth? Yup that's the story of my life. Or so I thought. 

It meant so much to me because I've long accepted him as part of my life forever. After going through so much together, it felt nice to know he not only feels the same way but planned to seal it with a commitment. It was the best gift and will continue to be for a long time.

I also received the best proposal gift. A gorgeous amethyst ring that he handpicked with Ericia (whose opinion I specifically mentioned he should go for when required for ring shopping) and a beautiful white leather strapped and diamond encrusted watch with automatic movements (I shared how I wanted an automatic watch during our cruise last December but he told me afterwards he has bought the watch more than 6 months ago, long before our cruise). Knowing he was the one who decided on the watch made me realised how much I meant to him. 

I'm still reeling with happiness. Having all my favourite people in one room is indescribable. To imagine that preparations started last year and that they all knew from weeks to months ago prior to this just made me feel so undeserving and truly truly well loved. It felt like when you really want something so badly, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it. 

I've a fiancé now. A wonderful man I can entrust my whole life to and grow old and spiritually rich with. And though I know I said we've no plans to get married after the proposal, we're actually spontaneously planning for it to coincide with our Anniversary next year. It's gonna be 3-in-1 - the day we got together, our anniversary and our wedding date. 

I thought about what I should have said in my proposal speech and realised how many people openly expressed they actually thought I could have twisted Nick around my little finger and maybe even made him cry in the beginning. It certainly isn't true now. How things have changed. How he's grown to be so sensitive and caring but yet able to lead and guide me in our relationship. And look who's the one crying now? We've grown to be equals :) And as we continue in our walk with God, I know he'll continue to grow with me in every aspect of our lives. 

Despite our jarring differences, we persevered and everything worked out. If we're not an encouraging case study, I don't know what we are. 

I can't wait to break the news of our wedding date (tentative for now). It's gonna be a blast!

UPDATE: WEDDING DATE IS ON 30 JANUARY 2016, THE VERY DAY WE GOT TOGETHER 6 YEARS AGO. DOUBLE CELEBRATION!

I can drive!

Took to the roads for the first time on Sunday since I got my driving license last Wednesday.

I. Can. Finally. Drive. 

Needless to say, I was excited about driving on my own outside of driving school and without an instructor telling me what to do or where to go every few minutes. 

Nick was my passenger. I asked how he felt about being driven by me, no less, for the first time. "Awesome", he said. He was down with flu and less than enthusiastic when he said it. But I still felt great.

He has always been the one driving me around. Time for a switch. Heh. 

I drove us to church - my first journey on the road! - and nearly wanted to drive to town (Shaw house or Cine) for a movie but if sick Nick said no - the car park was too challenging for someone who hasn't experienced parking in a confined space with a tight lot and plenty of waiting cars who won't hesitate to blow their horn at a slow driver. I figured his reasons were too valid so I let him drive and I did my best to observe the route. 

I came to realise, after being a driver, that it's not that difficult to navigate the roads. I used to marvel at friends who have great navigational skills. It comes so naturally to them and I bet they haven't walked as much as I have in terms of making wrong turns. But I've to say, I commit a lot of routes to memory because even I don't trust my navigational skills sometimes. 

Times like this I wish I have an inbuilt GPS so I'll never get lost. Hahaha. 

Since Nick drove us to town, we agreed I should drive us to my place in Woodlands. Nick could tell I really wanted to drive. First time I took to the expressway, Nick told me to stick to the left lane cos I was too slow. Oops. First boo boo I made after I parked the car (at church), I forgot to lock the door! Nick stared at me for a good ten seconds before he said "Do you want to lock the door?"  Yup, typical Michelle moment. 

And the funniest thing was what he said about me when I was straddling two lanes (think my mind was on the route more than the road). 

"Do you remember how you used to hate people who straddle two lanes, and you always point them out to me? Now you're just like one of them. Control your car."

Wow. 

*slow clap for my cleverness*

The Goh Family

Something extraordinarily amazing happened today. Stuff that dramas are made off. And I thought it only happens on TV. 

I never truly knew the joy of having relatives on both sides becos really, I only ever have 1 set of relatives from my dad's side. They're all I've ever known from birth. For 30 years, I've known only the Wans. 

YET, TODAY MY MOM FINALLY FOUND HER REAL PARENTS AND SIBLINGS AND I FOUND ME A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER COUSINS. 

I am so excited. And terribly happy for my mom who fulfilled her wish. 

What an awesome start to 2015. Too many happy news to report lately. I'm feeling really good about life after 30s. We're so blessed. God is so good all the time. 

Found myself a few more aunties, uncles and cousins to love, care and laugh with. We've so much catching up to do! Can't tell you how overwhelmed I am. I'm shocked we managed to locate them so quickly. Unbelievable. Social media is awesome. 

Meeting them next week. So freaking cool. 

For the longest time, I thought I was pure Cantonese because mom's foster parent (my grandma; they were neighbours when my mom was given to my gramps) is Cantonese and I thought all Cantoneses live in the same kampung. I'm not. Mom's of Hokkien blood so I'm Cantonese-Hokkien. 

And here's a picture of my actual grandma. She's too cute!

My mom looks so much like her!

Last thing, I've 2 aunts and 5 uncles to familiarise with. 

That's a big family and it excites me. 

HPY

With no way of reaching out to you, I do hope you still read.

I haven't been the best friend I should be, I know that. But I still wanna believe there's an explanation for the misunderstandings we've created in our midst. 

Today you've made a decision to let go though I don't understand your rationale for doing so. I'm pained by your choice to leave. 

So many times, I waited for you to tell me what's happening. So many tales I heard. So many people who thinks I'm delusional for believing in you. And yet, so many benefits of the doubt I gave. For I knew, everyone has their reasons for what they believe in. 

It never happened. And still, I waited. 

(Yes I can be a huge softie)

Took me awhile to realise...maybe you aren't coming back. I thought, well, you must've moved on and I'm happy for you. But months passed and you asked for a favour which I turned down becos I wasn't in the best position to help. And then the next month, you asked Nick for a favour and he turned you down as well. 

Do you think we had forsaken you becos of that? Would you let us in if we asked what was wrong? 

What have changed? Our lifestyles have altered drastically. We've formed friendships and relationships outside of our hpy-ship. Our outlooks have definitely changed. But I never believed our bond has changed. 

Till now, I've no clue what happened between us. And I know you must have your reasons for leaving. But I just want you to know you always have the option of coming back. 

I haven't been a good friend to you, hpy. Forgive me. I could've done better. This door is open, if one day you feel like coming home. 

I'll be waiting, with two cups of coffee, to hear all about your stories.