the closing of a journey

i'll be closing my blog.
i won't be writing anymore.
will probably disappear from the web for a while till everything gets better.
BTW, i am fine!
just needed a new perspective, that's all.

writing used to be my retreat; it still is.
i write for friends and people i care about very much.
i don't write for anyone else besides that.
i've done so much for others, it's time i focus more on myself.
i realized i've been trying to be strong.
trying, but never quite there.
i'm trying to be strong here.
give me your support.

i've been holding it in for a very long time now.
a longer time than usual.
i'm very stubborn, opinionated and persistent; everyone knows that.
some learn it the hard way.
i didn't choose to talk about it because it was hard.
it'll never be easy for me.

i'll deal with the baggage my way.
the best way i know.
it will be a tough journey but it won't take long.
i've a time frame.

to prepare many of you in advance, no news means good news.

i've to do this.
i need to do it.

you won't hear from me.
this will be my last word.

convalescing

just a quick entry before i head out.

i had quite a bad day yesterday.

slept at 11PM the night before but kept turning and tossing in bed the whole night. i had a fitful sleep. so i decided to read my book. i surrendered after 2-3 hours in bed because i simply cannot fall asleep. only managed to fall into a normal slumber at 2AM.

which was why i woke up still really tired. met up with cat for gym/swim at ICON. TL and Terence joined afterwards.

after a warm bath, i felt my left arm all achy. muscle rheumatism set in. that destroyed the night for me. terence said i look damn stone. i due it to tiredness. nobody seems to be talking much last night except for vivien.

returned home really late and launched into a meticulous state of clearing out the knick knacks in my drawers - all 3 of them. i have a weird knack of doing things in the middle of the night.

i definitely feel much better today. i'm setting off to meet manda for a night out. =)

guess what? tomorrow is DVD day at ICON and dinner gathering afterwards. i've yet to think of a place to eat. i'm too tired to think anymore. so if i can't think of a dinner place then we'll play by tastebuds again.

cat is starting work on monday. i'm anxious for her. i hope school and career all pan out for her during this period.

the little things

apparently, i've enjoyed plentiful of rest these recent days. but the lower limbs still feels like thick lead. heaviness aside, i'm in a very good mood today.

terence called, and after a short conversation said that my phone's spoilt. i said i know, which is why i was cupping over the mouth piece with my hands. he said he was cupping his hands too - over his ears. that made us laugh.

then ericia was telling me she have congested nose. i told her she needs a good dose of vitamin C and she's over exhausted. but she told me she's just pu zua - heaty. cuteness.

and now sheena is telling me she's off on a mysterious date - but not really that mysterious because i know who that is. ;)

the little things that made me smile, are from the people i love. =)

have a good love-d up day!

can't get enough

jessica and i caught the last showing of 27 dresses at cineleisure today. boy was i glad we hadn't missed out on a great flick. it wasn't merely a chick flick. the dialogue had wittiness, humour and entertainment to it. i absolutely love the songs they played in the film.

especially this one by Ray LaMontagne call Be Here Now.
it's hauntingly beautiful.



lyrics
Don't let your mind get weary and confused..
your will be still; don't try.
Don't let your heart get heavy, child;
inside you there's a strength that lies.

Don't let your soul get lonely, child..
it's only time; it will go by.
Don't look for love in faces, places —
it's in you; that's where you'll find kindness.

Be here.. be here now.. be here now..
be.. be here now.. be here now...

Don't lose your faith in me,
and I will try not to lose faith in you.
Don't put your trust in walls,
'cause walls will only crush you when they fall.

Be...be here now... be here now.
Be...be here now...be here now.

i can't find the full versh at imeem. sadness.

sheena called, bringing happy news. i'm thrilled for her new career. it reminds me; one good turn deserves another =).

stuck in my head | the song that never ends

remember lamb chops play along? i watched that when i was young!

this is the song that never ends
it goes on and on my friend
some people started singing without knowing what it was
and they continued singing it forever just because...
this is the song that never ends
it goes on and on my friend
some people started singing without knowing what it was
and they continued singing it forever just because...
this is the song that never ends
it goes on and on my friend
some people started singing without knowing what it was
and they continued singing it forever just because...
(repeat till you keel over from laughing)

for the benefit of the uninitiated, watch the clip.

what change? maybe it's just a mood

many things have changed. for better and for worse. i know i have - in both ways. i can't seem to recover from being sick either. funny how i always deny about being weak when i'm sick but yet i'm weaker than i thought i was. sociability wise, i'm a lot quieter than i used to be. talk about wanting to do public relations! maybe i should reconsider. or maybe i just need a nice long rest. i'm running out of steam, i can feel it. subconsciously, i catch myself spacing out frequently. it's not like i'm depressed. but something's definitely bothering me and i need to find out what it is. i'm as clueless as you are.

back then i believed crying my heart out would make me feel better. but it didn't work that way. in reality, i feel worse after several sobs. many in fact. i know i need to put an end to this no matter how. it's depressing and worrying in a way. it's like being crush beneath a boulder.

maybe i'm beat. for some reason, i haven't had a rest in 8 months.

just got back from zouk with ericia, terence and pals. joanne went missing after i left her at members to be with her friends. needless to say, met many people there. never fail to see jason as well. jason aka muthu (some inside joke). i've a love-hate relationship with zouk. i'll spare the ugly details. it's wonderful bumping into old friends - everyone i know goes to zouk. it was a bearable night despite the aggressive crowd (trance crowd are always more violent), lack of dancing space and migraine. i'm glad i'm with the right company. lovely friends make a world of difference. =)

for all i know, this might just be a mood phase.

hospitalized for pneumonia

my ye ye. a figure not particularly close to me.
for that reason, i rarely felt any form of affection for him.

i feel an odd sensation growing in the pits of my stomach, unbeknownst to myself.

he's still my grandfather however.

i honestly hope he's alright... i really really do.

feeble

what a time to fall weak and sick.

anyway, Gong Xi Fa Cai all.

where can i get salmon concealer?

a lil' somethin' for the NY

black is so passe for me.