ground rules

i need to be more consistent.

it seems i've all these thoughts in my head clamouring over each other, eager to emerge triumph.

my next step will be whichever thought gain victory.

quite interestingly, i found a reason to continue searching.

love does not deserve a death penalty like i used to say.

admittedly, i took a chance at self consoling.

as i'm upset with me.

it was a loosely planned friday night.

unfortunately, somebody lost his camera. along with our pictures.

yet most unbelievably, i got what i wished for.

*megawatt grin*

a surreal night.

hardly remember stuff.

bracing up

ive ironed out many thoughts over the past few months and as i still get upset when questioned about the whys and hows, i never really had enough fire to face up to it. prolly because im still not ready to talk. at length and in depth.

i fought against it. hard. very hard.

i denied my past. pretty much for the most part of the last 2 years. how it deteriorated to naught. even till today.

because it hurt so much, even for a determined, optimistic person like me.. would you understand? perhaps not so much if you've never been there.

sad songs are really depressing, that's why i don't listen. but as long as i don't face it, i'll never get over it. quite so, huh? getting over it isnt so much the hard part. facing it is much more worse than i imagine.

it takes time, these things. dont rush, i tell myself. i dont do so well when i rushed through it the last time, didnt i?

im grateful to have come this far, for without those obstacles, i prolly wouldn't be as strong as i am today. thank you, you. im really glad to gain a healthy perspective on things nowadays.

who wouldnt love being around happy people.
i try to and it shows.
i mean the trying part, not the happy persona per se.

even though my past was warped, i figured they arent gonna be kept under wraps because they werent so shameful. sad, maybe. thanks to that, i truly know what i want now. its a pity we couldnt have walked another 5 years down the road but looking on the brighter side, i can choose more wisely all over again. definitely someone who is the total opposite of what i was getting.

remembering something i once said about myself: the worst thing that can happen is by becoming numbed to you.

i dont know if im getting there but sometimes, it just feels like it. how does numb feels like? who could tell anyways.

i dont really wanna be numbed though.
its just not the way of life for me.

a weepy song from not too long ago, well, i honestly thought something good was gonna happen...



memories captured in time for your viewing pleasure.

golden memories that will reside where they should, in my memory no less.



this one's different. each of them holds a different but special meaning in my life. you could ask me any thing, and i can tell you we've been through it all. =)



the greatest mom [besides my own] i know (not my mom as you can distinguish from our dissimilarity). R.E.S.P.E.C.T to bringing up 4 individually unique children.
you cant find anyone more different than them, i swear.



the leon then.
he who always pluck those out-of-this-world's ideas from thin air.



and the leon now.
all grown up and towering over me.
but still intact with his same quirky ideas.



plastered hair at the usual haunt.
it was always pool and sun, sun and pool.
misses!

L-R: rox, aimee, myself & half-faced row



sweet young thing then, now pretty young lady.
a rare treasure for and nice addition to the fam, miss aimee hiu.



gp's bday celebration 2-3 yrs ago.
birthdays were huge family affair where presents/cakes/outings must be had.
misses X 2.



okiedoks. im holding up pretty well.
time to close this chapter for now.

where i'd have you believe that a new one awaits.

what consumes me?

perhaps my sentimentality, which i almost never really wanted to admit but did anyway.

perhaps my loyalty to all things that never kaput on me, is stabilized, reliable and steadfast all the way.

perhaps my excessive indulgence to fine food and fashion.

perhaps my sheer disappointment towards the unrepentant.

perhaps my innate encouragement for the wrongfully deserving.

perhaps my devoted love for friends, family and boyfriend (hypothetically).

perhaps my zealous love for life, living each day as if its the last.

perhaps my sanity that grows tumultuously in an inordinately mad world.

perhaps my careless optimism in view of negativity as is with growing societal concerns.

perhaps my arrogance in fighting for a worthy cause.

perhaps my persistence in pursuit of happyness [pun totally intended].

perhaps not of my sentimentality, loyalty, excessive indulgence, disappointment, encouragement, devotion, zealousness, insanity, optimism, arrogance nor persistence that consumes me.

perhaps, not what it is, but what i believe is eating away at me slowly, tortuously yet giving me the extra edge to renew my strength for the next battle.

perhaps is maybe, and maybe doesnt count.