never fails to amaze me

derek had a really bad week so i met up with him on monday for tete-a-tete over a quick dinner and a cosy nightcap. it was all very spontaneous. what surprised me was the stuff he shared with me. he got me when he said he felt really at ease just by talking to me and sharing stuff. i suppose i'm gifted with the multi talent of an aunt agony.

well, these past few weeks had been rather unkind. i do hope it's a short phase. i can't wait to get over this wave of emotions. it's not the best month to be feeling low what with all these good parties popping up all over the calendar. me being me, finds it tough to say no to trance. ever.

i'm currently at an ending process of sorting out my thoughts. unfortunately things doesn't always go the way it should be. getting it out of my system has been rather detoxifying for the soul. i suppressed a lot of negativity because i hardly seek comfort in sharing them. i've been ever so tough on the outside but always softer than jelly on the inside. it's not apt to reveal much except that it'd be interesting to chronicle this episode as a milestone.

interestingly, i was telling derek how my whole life was reshaped after the previous relationship. the changes or metamorphosis as i'd like to call it, was enormous. as compared to the past, i'm definitely more open now but also more judgemental. yes, i judge. i also filter. i'm a huge skeptic. of course, there were many more reasons that crafted my outlook today, least of all the relationship.

in lighter news, it's daffy's birthday today! we knew each other when we were kids. when we were mere 11 year olds i think. it's so swift. 14 years have gone by since the day we first met. well we are heading out to celebrate her birthday this friday. but before i leap into it, here's a recap of what we did on our dearest ying's birthday which fell on 24 September.

we pre-celebrated with her at Thai Accent (VivoCity) for two reasons. 1) it's one of my favourite thai restaurant. 2) dear daffy wanted to satisfy her once a year craving for thai food. sweetest ying was the most accommodating among us even though it was her birthday so to speak. the food was good and we polished every single morsel. we felt like a pregnant whale afterwards.

now, we had plans to treat her to a good meal since she just returned from LA. but i had grander plans than that. the moment i found out about an alternate plan for the F1 weekend, i knew the grandstand tickets had to go to ying! she's a true blue all-motors girl. i knew that decision couldn't be more ingenious when i later saw that priceless joy stretched across her beautiful face!


the present


the passes to good times


p'apple rice which i strongly recommended/pork ribbed fried noodles that daffy wanted


kangkong with sambal/thai fish cakes/creamy tom yum soup


daffy (in black)/ying (blue)/myself


we surprised her with a feret noir treat (that's black forest) from bakerzin
a very light but yummy cake no less! more importantly, ying loved it.


colour coordinated, not.


with my prettiest girlfriends


our night was extended to capella at sentosa


the girly bonding


the brilliant menu that came with a reading light


girlfriends' receding backviews

the souvenir from LA

less digitally enhanced photos are also found here.

reflecting on an earlier convo with a girlfriend...

i'm clearly misguided and lacked objective.

pride has been my best friend.

in one swoosh, i fell for it hook, line and sinker.

but worse things have happened to better people.

it was never meant to be this serious.

how remarkably unintended... this bloody passive mess.

something softer

and sexier.

what a way to cheer up.

lazy phase

i'm currently in my lazy phase of blogging. that, or that i have so much things to blog about i don't know where to really begin.

i have a couple of backlogs i need to clear.

this whole week has been jam packed with back to back activities that my health has taken a backseat. i'm not eating regularly though it's not by choice. i thank cia for constantly reminding me to eat. when work piles to eyebrow level, you don't have the appetite for food. kinda bad for health but i can't help it.

i hardly have time for exercise anymore. though that was compensated by more socialising. no complains there. well, maybe one. i'm suffering from low body esteem post F1 week seeing how i'm covered with brutally hideous blue-blacks courtesy of terence (not that he has any lesser than mine) which i tried to coverup every day with more clothed work threads but there's only so much cloth can cover. i don't even cross my legs in public anymore if i'm wearing skirts that rides above the bruises. its been ages since i've had bruises this intense.

with all these recent spate of events, i'm willing this phase to be over so that things like my health, appetite and exercise can be re-programmed.

above and beyond all that shenanigans, what i need most, is a set of strong yummy shoulders to rest on.

to be honest, i'm very very tired.

a mess of everything i can think of.

make me over.

kiss me goodbye.

i'm done.

there are more ways than one to make me happy.

but it often only involve one single entity.

this isn't exactly the happiest moment of my life.

things can and should be better but there aren't many instant fixes.

for those guessing, that single entity is me.

i just realized

we will never be the same again.

we keep walking in opposite directions. when we slow down, throw a backward glance over our shoulders, pause to think, the same is not really the same.

you keep running back to the exact scene that made you run forward. how many times have you let your guards down when it should be up? amble ahead when you should stop and think? stand when you should sit? work when you should take a break? grieve when you should smile?

pardon my wistfulness but happiness didn't always come easy.

and sometimes happiness can be quite phony.

when it rains, it pours

too much updates for the past week. before i start i want to do a shoutout to my lovely peoples who took the time to listen. i always say my friends influence me well. when people tell me they think i've got great energy, i reply "you haven't met my friends"!

well something really awful happened at work. i can't divulge much cos it's rather personal. but i really feel deeper appreciation for having the greatest bosses and colleagues in the world after the whole ordeal was through. let's just say i truly believe in good karma now.

i feel like i've just returned from the dead. i feel alive, re-inspired, and very uplifted by the past week's eventfulness. i feel like i can climb mount everest and not pant.

the week that passed was a series of ups and downs. ironically, the downs sweetened the ups indefinitely. but it was a sick sick week and i never want to be put through that again.

for now, i badly need a hug, some chill out sessions, dancing would be good, and so is some vino or a couple of almighty drinks. all i want is to have some fun this weekend.

one of the ups includes rubbing off some of lawrence's birthday luck. we were supposed to do the grandstand this sat for the F1 race but something much better came along! thanks to him, i'm going to watch F1 from the gallery at a nominal fee. i'm freaking thrilled! seriously, what luck to be watching the race from the rooftop. that is one helluva privileged access.

though one bad thing spawned many good things, i will make sure that's the last of it (the bad not the good).

god damn i need a super computer. i took an hour to post this simple entry which would normally have taken me 15 minutes.

well, i'm in a good mood and nothing can tear me down right now!

here's to a super good weekend ahead.

i wanna feel pampered

you realized you are getting older when you have more weddings to attend:

September - Anya and Firuz, my boss'

October - Sheena's sis Sherlynn

December - Daffy and XJ

you start to worry about things like money, wrinkles, love handles, and finding a nice man who doesn't irritate you.

anyway, we celebrated ying's 25th on friday. trying to dump all the pictures online and load it up on facebook. ying loved those photos so i'm going to load it all up for her tonight, despite being dog tired.

the girl is suffering from jet lag. i hope you're feeling much better today! :)

the bad people

last sunday's turnout was whittled down to four players. just enough to play doubles. it was intense cos we really worked that body. it's four days past and my aches have only just calm down. i'd love to play badminton on a more regular basis. it was fun.



this was comfort food after the game which i missed so very much.
this is also cia's must-have almost every single time we were there.

a good 2-3 months have passed since i last played bad. in fact, it has been that long since i last played volleyball, wakeboard or even went for a jog. at least the knee is nearing 100% recovery now, given the long effective rest.

team A consisted of cat and oya whom were both funny as hell as they bickered to and fro back and forth


team B is just myself and tl (who came from a soccer game prior to this and got a shock when he realized he is expected to double for 2 hours. make that non-stop.)

he's seriously freaking agile and zoomed around the court like a flying bat. doubling with him was fun but serious. also, his reflexes were so quick that we often crossed racquets.

two sporty girls for your pick
(although one is already off the shelf)

it is time to destress. i'm beaming with interest for some coxy time next saturday at dear zouk. right after the F1 race which i'm going to watch with lawrence from the grandstand! exciting weekend coming up hopefully. a pity that cia who was supposed to join us can't make it due to a wedding dinner. :( oh well, i even tried my luck to ask her whether she can skip the wedding dinner. but as i recounted, of cos she's right, "it's a wedding dinner ley".

if the boss is reading this

i have to confess i'm indescribably touched.

well, you rock.

in. every. sense. of. the. word.

:)

the badminton people

going cardio crazy.


more photos awaits..

the Wan banter

my sister has the most interesting way of looking at things sometimes.

this is what happened.

i am at my most relaxed when i am in my home wear, sans brassiere, a commonality in most homes.

noting the hot weather, i opted for a cottony white 1-piece slip-on as sleep wear tonight. while i was clipping up my fringe in the room, i heard the sister greet the mom. she has reached home and had announced with great enthusiasm to the mom that she's cooking dinner. i also heard ronald's voice drifting into the room.

the sister came into the room shortly after that and saw me changing out of my white slip-on.

"don't have to change out of your clothes. it's just ronald."

"right. i'm sure he wouldn't mind. besides, it's translucent and low cut."

to my surprise, the sister took one glance at the obviously exposed cleavage and said "oh i didn't notice that."

well, that wasn't all.

while huddling around the tv with our pre dinner munchies, i said to the sister with mischief "guess who finally changed mom's message alert tone today?"

(mom's message alert tone has always been timberland's apologize for the longest time. we often joked we would change it without mom knowing.)

with muffled laughter, the sister asked "does mom knows?"

"nope but she will when the next message comes in."

*********************************************************************

i managed to sort out the reaction button below the post. i had it activated some weeks ago when i overhauled the blog but it wouldn't show. so last night i finally had some troubleshooting done and, voila! =)

sam tsui has talent

if you haven't seen this on yahoo's top feature, i urge you to watch this now.


a guy with a nice voice has very high appeal to me. especially when they can sing so well.

there are more of him here.

i will be looking out for his productions in future. i'm really digging it right now.

memories are like aged wine, the older the better

woke up to a bad stomach this morning and i really had to go at once. we had a quasi communal dinner along one of those restaurant type eateries at capitol building (opposite cityhall station) in which i ate really little compared to normal and thus have no rationale for my upset stomach. perhaps my food was laced with “special ingredient”.

it was easy to recall what i ate. during an impromptu lunch with terence, eugene and ericia yesterday, i had noodles and i had it again for dinner with cat, yongan and ericia (it seems like ages ago when many a times the two of us would meet up to twice in a day and yesterday was terrific as such). both times my meals were more than half unfinished. appetite literally went down by half. i have no idea why except that it could just be a passing phase. my cravings have been geared towards sweeter and savoury stuff. i know i shouldn’t have ice cream (due to period cramps) but i couldn’t resist when we pass mcdonalds. another thing i’ve wanted to re-introduce to my diet is juicing. i need a new juicer to replace the cranky one. i miss the goodness of juicing. i’d do it now if i have a juicer. but i need to prioritize my spending. and juicing might just have to wait till next month. i’m not sure if my lack of appetite is resulted from stress. perhaps it was the past two stressful weekends working from home. you can be sure i’m looking forward to this one with much fervor since i hadn’t enjoyed the past two.

i’m toying with the idea of unlocking my old blog entries. to be honest, i first asked myself for permission to re-read old entries. i didn't want to bring up indignation from within no matter how righteous it seems. the pre-requisite was that i had to be emotionally balanced and as a matter of fact, i just spent the past two nights chuckling, smiling and indulging in older and dearer long-lost memories of yesteryear. while there was sadness that tugged at my heartstrings, i realized i chronicled mostly good times. more saliently, the best times were chronicled around school, group studies, outings, friendship, a little of struggling with keeping my emotional battle in check, and how my general attitude was formed towards life. of course, and happier times when i was in love. it pretty much generates positive vibes reflective of the current self i present to the world today. at least that's what i feel.

in retrospect, i felt i have forgotten how to be a girlfriend. the last i checked, i'm single for two and a half years now. i don't know if that's possible but that's pretty much how i feel right now. i also realized that many times i make plans based on how i feel and every futuristic plan exclude an important outlook on love. at times, i have a very sticky stand on things. and i have criterias now, compared to just a couple of years ago.

i don't have much pet peeves and is actually quite nice but a default way to irk me would be to impose your views on my beliefs with gusto. i respect every opinion because each is entitled to his or her own. i like a good challenge but sometimes very close friends would enforce their values on me and i'd always let it slide cos i know it's with kind intent. i want to bring joy to people. sometimes i wish people can see that.

anyway, i’m going to start loosening some leg muscles this weekend. i lugged home my running shoes after working out at the club yesterday. ericia is having a stay over at zizhong’s prearranged birthday chalet with the “hehs” clique. i know for sure she’s going to have an exciting albeit exhausting weekend. i’d love to have her as a movie companion tonight but she’s zipping off to help out after work. instead, i might probably just catch it on my own.

Up, here goes nothing. =)

as it is

above were actual photos of Coco Chanel whilst she lived. i grew curious about her looks and started milling around the internet. glad to emerge none the disappointed. the movie itself would have made for a very outstanding marketing campaign.

"...it is very sad that she apparently never realised that the way to close relationships – to love – is to love unconditionally, without reservation, judgment or deception. We never achieve the ideal in our human relationships, corrupted as we are rebellion against God and thus tainted by pride and selfishness, but this is what we must aim for. The alternative, as Coco shows, is to rely on a constructed image, which cannot finally satisfy us."

better to lose your ego to the one you love than lose the one you love because of ego, or something to that effect, is rather poignant as i've experienced.

one of the first close friend of mine is getting married today at the art house. i'm feeling a mixture of emotions. but would still like to congratulate the couple, Anya and Firuz. a sincere toast to a lifetime of happiness.

thoughts that interrupted the morning stride

there's been a lot on my mind these days. i'm itching for a change. i just can't put a steady finger to what it is.

perhaps there is a part of me who's just dying to challenge this status quo. and a part from watching Coco Avant Chanel.

a funny incident happened in the theatre. i was looking forward to settle down comfortably since i was watching a movie alone for the first time. as i approached my allotted seat, i saw another figure in it. i thought she'd understood if i just showed her my ticket stub but to my surprise she fished out hers instead. turned out we were allotted the same seat. dang! correct cinema, check. correct movie, check. i waited around 5 mins before being shown to another seat.

minor disruption aside, everyone ought to go for this little astonishing piece. the movie is in french and every bit as lovely as it's made out to be. i enjoyed watching how the movie unfolds. Coco would have been very proud. obviously the elegant threads were to die for. but of course, elegance has its price. having said that, audrey tautou made it effortless to watch a hundred times over.

anyhow, vincent called up one friday evening quasi teasing whilst demanding to meet me. i stared at the ringing phone for approx. 30 seconds before the face and name registered in my semi relaxant weekend mode. where the only plan for the night had been to catch a movie and then head home to catch up on snoozes was extended to a dinner date of cream mussels and prawn spaghetti.

it was a night i've often dreamed about and it felt pretty darn surreal that he materialized infront of me, with that same cheeky demeanour intact. well, any apprehensions were cleared up that night. s'pose we were really glad for the way things have developed ever since we lost touch for over 4 years.

he wanted to know all about the ''shocking news'' which is no longer as so the moment you've transcend the initial shock for slightly more than 2 years. i, in turn, wanted to know all about the beginning of his...elusiveness.

i'm still grinning fondly at the memories of last week. needless to tell, there was nary a quiet moment during the reunion. :)

i'll leave you with a quote i can associate very well with after i chopped off my locks,

''When a woman cuts her hair, her life is about to change.'' - Coco Avant Chanel

that, guys, is no lie.

two old souls and a life-altering reunion

all these years apart

i thought you were gone.

but you came back.

i missed you more than i've let out.

just stay.

for once.

simple pleasures

i no longer find it uber fun to end entire weekends squeezing in everything i can do so as not to 'waste' it. i used to be someone who would never waste a weekend by living in. a quick phonecall and i'd zip off to wherever the heart of the fun is. it's where i belong. come to think of it, it's actually life draining. i can feel my life shortening up to days after which i'd just cram more impromptu schedules into it. sounds tiring? you've no idea. i don't know how i survived that.

i know it could be a phase that anyone nearer to my age will go through. the very fact that i'm laden with much more responsibilities at work seems to back up that strong urge to club less, booze less, exercise more, hydrate more, read more and self enrich more.

i think it's time to hang up my dancing shoes and call it a day.

even doing nothing beats clubbing. which was exemplified by my friday night and saturday. i did nothing i could boast about. but it was solid staying in hogging all the time to myself.

take today for instance, the cranky weather kept us away from beach. that was a total letdown but we made things happen in the end - everyone was tired but not unhappy - and i'm not sure if it's me, but i began to see everyone in a different light. there is something good in every shortcoming. :) it took me a while to realize it. i gotta make an admission - i wasn't as desensitized as i've thought.

over the weekend, i started a food diary just for fun. maybe counting calories isn't the primary cause but there's zero harm in penning the amount of munchies i eat in a day to hopefully shock me into positive action. actually, i'm already watching what i eat. heh. i jolly well cheated. so that serves the point of getting this whole healthy living going. which is what it's all about.

so there, my weekend summed up in a few humble words. it's been a tiring but meaningful day. i'm rescheduling my training routine starting tomorrow so i really need to get some snooze in before wakie-ing at 6.30am.

g'night guys!

what the hell

when was this?! how is it that...

who is this??

post shock, i just don't think i can ever remember taking this picture. the furthest i can remember is that this is not my swimwear. it must have belonged to row. wow, some work needs to be done soon.

sieving through my archives, i must have stored millions and billions of pictures stashed away in my hardly accessed 700 gigabytes external drive. browsing over them brought back lots of giggles, shocks, memories and glassy eyes. upon speculation, i think it's gonna take me days or weeks to finish poring through everything.

i have so much backlog photos to post i don't even know where to begin. and even if i don't, it was really fun to reminisce away.

maybe i will start a backlog soon. i think you guys will love it.

blog overhaul

in the midst of a revamp, i forgot to print screen the original layout.

i've forgotten most of the codes and had to google for help. honestly, i don't think i'll do this within the next 10 years. i'm serious. it's exhausting. anyway, i think it's classic.

i'm limited by the template. it's maddening and i'm not thoroughly satisfied. i tried inserting a lovely background image but the codes have its boundaries.

i wanted to box up the content and side bar with a trim border but well, boundaries boundaries boundaries.

one thing's for sure, an overhaul is an accomplishment.

itchy eyes and healing knees

on days i work out, i wear no makeup. today, sans makeup, i almost rubbed my eyes out. it's a bad vice i've cultivated since young. i quit doing that a couple of years ago when there was still someone constantly chiding me silly over it. but today, i basked in chasing the lost delight of eye rubbing.

it felt divine. would have done anything to arrest the itch anyway.

in better news, my knees are on its way to making a full recovery. lots of healing rest helps. knee problems are dreadfully common. stems from lack of basic strengthening, and leading to injuries of all sorts. im not gonna subject myself to victimization of knee pain anymore. if i can help it. whenever possible, i stretch and lift my legs parallel to the desk. hold there for a bit. repeat a few reps. that simple.

otherwise, things are looking rosier. there are still areas of my life that i need to apply more effort on. or i could simply put it down to chance. like every girl worth her salt, i know i could really use some sun and cosy company soon!

that said, i've penciled in a beach date on sunday.

looking forward to that!

better together

there are just too many treasures i found in the archives and here are just a few scattered pieces. i love to share them.

get the skinny on: those lean years

rocking out before school


v-day roses from gid


project mates








Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together
(jack johnson - better together)

it's been a long time

funny how as years go by, i simply used up longer downtime. the past two months has been rendered downtimes many times over.

i've been working my tail off for over a year now. once dubbed the energizer bunny in the work pad at the peak of glorious days, i don't suppose there's any energy left in me so to speak. nary an ounce of it.

some grand changes are in order. working towards something at work is one. then there are friends, close and far, who are converting into me! - somewhat of a on-again, off-again health freak. depending on BMI, and WHR (that's waist-hip-ratio for you) really. that should call for a celebration.

t'was a good break for me for sure.

and now i'm ready to bounce and pounce, leap and dance!

hear me holla already.

hullo portobello the bunny is back! *doink doink doink*

what's cookin'

mangled feet

bruised ankle

scattered moods

painful footwear

grave sobriety

not an exciting combination

but the music was trippy and good

a redeeming offset

a glowy week

my latest conviction is that everyone is entitled to a week of pure rest. eliminate late nights and online activities.

in between working out and training (over-exerted certain muscles which i never knew existed and inherited a whacked ankle in the process), radiant skin is what good sleep looks like.

for once, i couldn't be arsed to come online at night because it would take me away from my precious rest. all in all a good decision in hindsight. i can't believe how different the skin transformed within a week of discipline. but i know i better believe it ever since i started partying and neglecting the most essential aspect of my vanity regime - my beauty sleep.

for all that's worth, i could be destroying myself for what's coming up, tonight. we'll just have to keep the alcohol limitations in check, won't we? it's gonna be another night at the jiak kim street establishment. and there's no music quite like trance, to raise my pulse, with ter and law and the other guys in tow.

exactly a week ago, i met up with the two love of my life - qi and katt. the last time we had spent a day like this was eons ago - which i believe to be last year.

despite our physical absences due to different time schedules, i've always felt we had drawn closer as we grow older as we spent more quality time together.


decking out in her new aviator shades from koh samui, our souvenir from katt


pretty washroom calls for our camwhoring attention


the two love of my life - qi and katt


L-R: the smart-slash-sporty one, the arty-slash-demure one, the one and only Wan (heh)

beaming with affection

not forgetting the one who took our pictures, YCC
(who joined us for a short while before dashing off to catch GI Joe)

i just peered outside my window and it's raining. well, it's been a lovely morning. except that i'm rushing to catch my 11am facial appointment!

adios guys!

who you calling a nerd

for some reason, i've been whiling and burying my nose in paperback books. within a month, i've completed reading 1 novel, 1 memoir, 1 science fiction, and 2 biographies:

1) The Last Concubine by Lesley Downer

2) The Sum of Our Days: A Memoir by Isabel Allende by Isabel Allende

3) The Host by Stephanie Meyer

4) A Child Called 'It' by David Pelzer

5) The Lost Boy by David Pelzer

in between the last pages of a book and the start of the new one, i've given myself a span of one day to absorb and reminisce the stories by heart.

as a kid all the way till i turned 15, i used to snuggle up in bed just to read. it happened every single night without fail. i'm the sort of kid who falls asleep with drool on her books. i started my long term affair with glasses when i was all but 8. and at 13, began my love affair with contact lenses.

just between you and me, i've got something to say. i'm actually an enormous closet nerd.

the weather grouse

too cold, complain.
too hot, complain.
too humid, complain.

but what else can we do.

you'd think 'there isn't much i haven't already known'

no news means good news.

it's been a depressing couple of days. many bleak thoughts running amok. last night bore the full brunt of the mopiness. i became thirsty, for alcohol. i lusted for vino.

but as always, i snapped back to the old self after knocking back a few drinks in solitude. it wasn't much but enough to reel in my better senses.

today, i was a much happier person.

i went on a shopping spree after a hard day's work on monday. in a release of frustration, i flitted from store front to store end and shopped till i could shop no more.

further to that, i applied for membership cards to two franchises. i must be quite obsessed.

did i feel better after that?

not one bit.

but the days that followed, i instantly found that i had prettier clothes to don. so it did make me feel slightly better in a warped sense.

tonight was especially gratifying. lots of stories and laughters shared amongst the thursday trio (with cia and law). some were really good jaw-aching booming laughters mind you. having good company amounts to a lot. also, it made me believe that good stories should never be swept under the carpet! at least not after what happened tonight.

thursday's officially over. can't wait for tomorrow night.

i'm dog tired. ought to sleep soon. g'night guys!

a relaxing sunday

i have been sleeping a lot for the entire month of july which i've dedicated to be a resting period, but never really feeling quite well rested. anyway, i just hauled my dead carcass home from swimming (with cat and oya) and shopping (plus cia and ter). i need more sundays doing mindless stuff like these.

also, note to self, today marked a first that i resisted the temptation of ice cream at mac. i am a huge fan of oreo and therefore, mcflurry. despite ter kindly offering half of his hot fudge sundae and cat a lick of her ice cream cone, i couldn't bring myself to eat it. my throat is burning and the plan is not to fall sick.

but if i do, and i can almost feel a fever creeping in, i won't have the heart to blame it on cat's homemade curry. it is the most lip-smacking curry i've eaten in the longest time.

photos are coming up in a day or two.

rest time for my sick body.

g'night, world!