Hope

Found myself back in the comfort spot of my kitchen, nursing a nauseous gig. A spot that holds many memories as I sat here night after night yearning for my dear dead sister. This pregnancy is harder than I thought.

I misses her calls to check on my pregnancy, hear my rants and being my supportive sister.

I had dreaded this moment when I am at my most vulnerable (being pregnant), yet having to calm my emotions so it won't affect my pregnancy. I already knew this would be the toughest part of my journey. I have no solution, only willpower and self control.

I pray for God to heal my broken heart as I become the ideal nesting place for my little hope baby.

I nicknamed our baby Hope, which is what s/he is :)

Having my EDD around my sister's death anniversary seems to bring hope. I am still resentful at the events surrounding her death and will probably take a very long time, if ever to reconcile with some people, especially myself.

Right now, I just need to take one step at a time and watch where I place my next footing.

I know before long, I'll have my hope in my arms and it'll take away some of the pain.

Mei, how I wish Heaven had a phone 

so I can hear your voice one more time.