Very special memorial pendant engraved with my sister's and my initials M.W. both ways :') I love it
Shortly after the girls left, I ordered my dinner online and within minutes there was a very hurried and urgent knock on my door. I knew it couldn't be dinner because it was too fast. When I took it from the deliveryman, it was hot and heavy for a small parcel. I knew it was food.
Thank you hpy for the thoughtful gesture, my mum who happened to see it was equally touched. I know you meant to pamper me, and I loved it. Thought of my sis too because this is her absolute favourite.
You guys are my bestest friends from secondary school and have seen me at my worst. There is nothing more I need to say to express my thanks and love, because I've said it all :)
You, and many of my good good friends have been standing by my side all these while, silently supporting and cheering me.
Losing someone is always hard. But you guys made it much better to bear with your big big hearts and generosity towards me :')
I've since lost my lustre and shine because a part of me feels lost and lonely despite having the warmth and love of family and friends. It's so hard to admit but I know it to be true. I took it out on Nick a lot because I no longer care about his feelings (because I'm hurting a lot). It's not that I don't love him. On the contrary, I love him and want him to be there for me. I have lesser forbearance towards Nick and when he pisses me off unnecessarily, I rage. I treat him like a kid and just have a go at him. I don't put up with him like I used to because I no longer have capacity. My tank feels drained and void.
Therapy was necessary for us because he wasn't able to support me in my grief; he was insensitive and hurtful. We have to protect our marriage from all these rush of raw and exposed emotions that were new to us, and I must say he's doing very well in being a good listener and understands my grief in a way that makes me feel understood and safe when I talk about it (and I do it a lot).
Nick is an awesome husband and father but we have our disagreements that are just difficult to resolve because we're equally stubborn. A character trait so ingrained we find hard to change.
If we were to rely on our own strengths to keep our marriage intact, we'd have failed. God has always been keeping and protecting our marriage. I turn to Him in good and bad times. But I honestly found it much harder to turn to Him in the latter. Sorrow just doesn't want companion.
I just can't.
As I drone on and on, Christmas is already upon us. How bittersweet, the first of many difficult holidays to celebrate without my little sister around.
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