Goodnight, Mei

What do you do when you miss someone so badly but they aren't around anymore for you to tell?

I look at your picture and cry, and I start talking to your picture like you can hear me.

I honestly thought I wouldn't have time to miss you as much once Elijah is here. How wrong I was.

Elijah makes me happy, so does Beth. Having two children means my time is devoted to family, and any sliver of breathing space I get, I literally catch my breath.

Yet, I miss you so much it freaking hurts.

Who do I tell that would understand me.

Whenever I think of you, I hug Beth and Elijah tighter. I tell Beth I'm sad and she'd comfort me with a cute frown and exaggerated downturn lips. She know what being sad means. She can even hold a proper conversation about it.

"Mummy sad huh"

*frown & downturn lips*

"Okay.."

*back pats & hug*

She's amazing.

My biggest regret will be that Elijah never got to know you. It hurts to know he won't even know who you are, no pictures together, no nothing.

I don't dream much anymore, my sleeps are so truncated that dreams don't exist. But maybe tonight, I might dream of you?

Getting sleepy.

Goodnight Mei, till the day we meet.