Letter to Mabel: Does it ever get easier when I think of you?

True enough, special occasions are the hardest. I wish I could still receive your birthday greeting and eat together as a family. I miss you so much I teared to myself at the stroke of midnight, knowing I'll never receive your prompt greetings anymore.

Birthdays used to be happier affairs becos we'd eat out together as a family and I'd enjoy bantering with you. I miss you mei.

Truth is there were happy moments these past few months and I truly thought it'll get easier when it comes to you.

What I've learnt since you left us suddenly 9 months ago:

1) There is a silver lining in your death. You were relieved of your pain and suffering and reunited with God. Clichéd as it sounds but you taught me to treasure the living loved ones on earth.

2) Shifting the mindset to let go of fear and negativity. No point in sweating the small stuff, especially those I've no control over.

3) Value moments, not materialism. I've repeatedly rejected gifts for myself and even Beth becos we have enough. I've invested in photos and experiences becos they'll always be great memories.

4) Health and safety are our most prized possessions, we shouldn't take it for granted.

5) Never be afraid to draw strength from people who care,  you're not quite alone.

6) You won't know how far you've gone until you look back, so keep going.

7) Take your time, you're a work-in-progress.

8) When someone hurt you, they're actually hurting inside.

9) Help others, and you help yourself.

10) There is so much good in this world, keep believing.

Beth keeps me sane and from crumbling everytime I think of you. If not for her, I wouldn't be able to see the flowers from the thorn. I've not kept in touch with any of your friends and even fiancé. I don't know what are their thoughts or how they're coping.

Everyday is a blessing, knowing Elijah is healthy and active, our baby boy, your first nephew, is due to be born in a few month's time. I'm hoping he'll come timely on 25 July, the day you left us. Perhaps...

Thank you for leaving so much great memories behind, I never truly feel too distant even when I can't see, hear or feel you anymore.

I love you.

Till the day we meet xx