Letter to Mabel: Beth, holidays and fave food

Missing you for the nth time today and everyday. Sometimes I wonder why did it have to happen to us. I resent the fact that you are truly gone and cannot even began to fathom what Mummy must be feeling everyday, especially in the mornings and evenings when you'd usually be around to greet and bid her goodbye or welcome her home.

If only you knew how badly we miss you.

Beth is such a lovely cutie these days. I really wish - and I'll never stop wishing - you're around to witness it. I guarantee you'll melt into a puddle just watching her becoming more social and independent.

Our family group chat has not seen much action lately because I chose not to post anything there. You're numerically still in the group chat and thus our replies will never achieve any blueticks anymore. It's a sad sad shell of its former glory where we posted many pictures and discussion. I miss your replies mei. What I'd give to have you back.

We just came back from BKK and unbeknownst to me, Thomas remembered I wanted to eat the food you used to like, and insisted we go Chinatown. I wouldn't have known if Sheena hadn't confided in me privately. I was very touched. We had your favourite bird's nest and braised pork knuckle. The bird's nest we had were of good quality and I got one for Mummy, because that's what you'd have done, always keeping the best for her. I wondered if you had the better ones or the less fancy ones at roadside stalls. I knew you'd enjoy the bowl of yummy bird's nest we had. Thomas even ordered one of the more premium one for us to share. He is such a sweet guy. Pity you guys never got to meet as he wasn't able to attend our wedding party at Loof.

Do you eat your bird's nest with eggs and honey? It is so good! We felt so indulgent.

We had your favourite wanton mee and braised pork too. I'm happy to have tasted what you had and really liked it :')

I miss Australia so much and honestly believe you'd have liked it too. The food, the weather and the lifestyle would suit your preferences I think.

I miss our cruise trip and it wouldn't be the same without you if I go again with mummy on our next family holiday.

What really made you do it mei. What drove you to such ultimatum that you couldn't even confide in me before your final moments. Why didn't you let me help you one more time, just like before. But I do know why, yet I cannot imagine the extent of your pain and suffering. New ideas and thoughts form in my mind over time, a clearer view of the whole picture. I think I know the real reason and intention. It's so scary to admit to myself sometimes, I don't want to entertain whatifs and whatnots. There are so much secrets that you literally carried to your grave and I only have an inkling of your motive.

Nevertheless, I honour and treasure our times together. I'll always remember my beautiful and kindhearted sister fondly. I love you mei.