We had a heart-to-heart talk (HTHT). It has happened a few times especially late at night after everyone has gone to bed and she can't sleep. This girl has lots to say and is very teachable. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and hearing hers out.
1) She doesn't like school:
• Too much writing. Her hands hurt, with the teachers telling them not to stop (writing or doing work), it made her anxious. She told me she can only relax when she has finished upon the teachers command. I feel sad and bad for her. "Small hands get tired easily, so do small feet", I said. She told me her friends are faster than her. And I said, "Well they don't have your brain or your heart or your hands right?". She agreed but said her friends are also smart. I don't doubt that, "Everyone is different, and I wish you'd tell the teacher so they know, or rest and take a break or even tell the teacher you can't finish cos your hands hurt and you want to join your friends to play", I encouraged her.
• Too much sweating. I stifled a laugh and grinned. Once, I was at the kitchen sink wiping spillage, she asked if she can take the rag (not sure why I'm explaining this, my rag looks quite clean tbh) to school to wipe her sweat. I was horrified but amused and told her no this is not for wiping faces. So I prepped a handkerchief for her to wipe her sweat in school. I thought it was so cute.
• We have this ritual where I allow her to play on my phone while waiting for the school bus. Whenever the school bus comes early, she's very sad. I took away screen time for a while to reset behaviours. I told her it's time to bring it back as I can see it helps her to relax before school.
The reason I wanted to homeschool her is also the first reason she dislike school. When we acquire one skill, we lose out on another. Their preschool years should be all about developing their motors and neuro through play and not work. I've never liked the idea of reading and writing by the time primary school rolls around. It's a rip off of their childhood. When you can read and write at 5yo, you're losing out on other critical skills.
I assured her I'll speak to her teachers and let them know, she agreed. I was surprised and expected her to stop me, like she always had. She seems to think Mummy likes to scold everyone, and is fearful I will tell her teachers off.
In closing, I told her to focus on the positives becos the things she doesn't like about school are short lived. Her social time is very precious to her and that's what she talks about at first until recently, where the first thing she tells me is "today is the worst day ever", "so much work", "no time to play with my friends". There has been a few worst day evers since she turned 5yo.
2) She likes it when I overdramatised how cute she is. I told her I shouldn't have but I can't help it. At the same time, I told her she's also got a good brain and heart. She revealed her teachers adore her, "Mrs Poh says I'm cute". Hahaha I don't doubt that.
3) We talked about me crying this afternoon. I was overcome by emotions and Elijah, being the sweet boy that he is (a sensitive soul despite having huge amount of energy to burn), immediately stopped what he's doing to check on me. He kept asking me tenderly "what happened mummy". Oh my heart. I couldn't answer him so I asked for a hug and he gave me such a good one. I was so touched. Bethany was there too, and didn't really respond until later so I asked (at night during our HTHT) if she was angry with me scolding her earlier, and she affirmed it. I wasn't upset, I know her well enough. She did eventually asked me (in that afternoon) why I cried and took the initiative to give me a big hug. She was angry but not that angry.
I don't really know why I cried either, we were watching my show, it wasn't even that sad, but I was overcome with a sense of gratitude, appreciation, and some sadness not related to my circumstances, but rather that of another mum. This mum is also a SAHM who reminisced the days she was very close with her young daughter. She related she has felt her 5yo distancing from her, choosing others over her. An important example she noted was when she cried in the bedroom, and her 5yo barged in, saw her crying, and coldly asked her if she can have a snack. After mum permitted the snack, she left the room without any empathy shown. It was an online post and I read the comments (there were a hundred over) telling her every 5yo is like that, don't expect anything more. I begged to differ and my heart ached for this mother. The comments were insensitive and disparaging. But it also reminded me Bethany has been acting up. 5 year olds has alot of sass and spite, are very snappy, and sensitive to their environment, more impressionable than ever, and especially perceptive. Less scolding, more connecting, I told myself. I don't wanna lose Beth like that.
I also took the chance to apologise for scolding her and hurting her heart (she literally told me everytime I scold her, her heart hurts, and she gets nervous). I also brought up how hurt I was when she refused repeatedly to celebrate my birthday. I really wanted her to know its significance that birthdays are very special. She finally understood how I felt.
4) She has sheepishly told me how she wished Nai Nai is her mum, becos my MIL buys her anything she wants and feeds her everything she ask for. 5yo are soo impressionable I tell you. I don't get upset at this sort of things and I'm happy she feel loved by so many. It's indeed a joy to be loved at her age. It's a good thing. My MIL is great with the kids and indulges them, and I give her credit for it. She's doing a good job so I'm thankful. But yes, she really indulges them becos gifts is her love language! And honestly, no one in the family (besides my mum, Nick and myself) can resist her cute requests for anything. I used to get so stressed by the things they buy her, but it's alot better now.
I acknowledge every word as she tells me all the things she likes about my MIL (mainly indulging her wants). After I said I'll buy for her (becos she seems deprived), she asked for a "car for my Barbie doll becos she walks everywhere and her legs will get tired."
5) This last point was super sweet. She told me no matter what I do to her, she'll still love me. She's reflecting back at me, that's exactly what I tell her all the time. She can count on my love for her no matter how angry we both get. I'll never forsake her.
A noteworthy mention is how she said it: "It makes God sad when we're not nice to each other."
I cried again.
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