This hits hard aka Why I chose to be SAHM

I chose to quit my job back then and be a stay home mum because I wasn't getting support from Nick on the workfront.

He literally gave me the ultimatum one day while I was in the backseat of the car tending to young Bethany: Work or Family. He felt I dedicated 'too much time' to work. It wasn't true. I did my bare minimum and if that was too much for him, I know I will never have it all without his support. There and then I knew my decision was to leave my amazing job. There wasn't even a discussion, he just wasn't having it. If I want my job, I had to do it his way. 

That'd be a no from me. Why try so hard when I knew his stand? It's not a hill to die on. My daughter just turned 18 months old and I wanted to spend more time nurturing her and honing this parenting life. Plus, there was another baby in my womb. Her baby brother.

At that time, I also lost my sister to depression and it took every ounce of my energy to not spiral downwards. I really did not need that deal from him.

It was a spiteful and hasty decision; he can have the pleasure of working out our finances after I quit. He was stunned when I bluntly told him my letter of resignation was accepted. I could see the gears turning in his brain. Now he knows where my heart lies: Work never preceded family. It was a good decision in my mind.

But I was resentful. Still am sometimes. I resented him for not being more supportive and understanding. I resented his unforgiving expectations of me. I resented he didn't think it through before opening his mouth. However, I did not regret my decision. It was a choice I made that I knew I can't reverse (I gave up my insurance licence and therefore clientele base). I didn't fight for me, I chose to invest in us.

Coming across this IG post late at night while the kids are sleeping, it unravelled my being.

Even so, I've never regretted my decision to leave my job and be the sole caregiver to my two children. It's a privileged role I'm proud of. I choose God and family over everything else.

Mum life is not rosy. I did get to speak up eventually about leaving my job and we both made peace with that.

This is just one of those stuck between a rock and a hard place decision I had an easy way to overcome: Watch sleeping children sleep. It makes everything right again. They're truly angels when they're asleep. Haha. 

Peace time is sleep time