Today I'm 20 weeks pregnant - halfway mark. My bump is growing steadily compared to last pregnancy. Time to pace and spread out all the miscellaneous packing and unpacking in preparation for my little Hope.
Wishing my sis is around to support and cheer me on. Missing her lots as always. Even though I still cry when I think about her pain and tear streaked face through words spoken and unspoken in her very last letter to me, I also imagine she's happy and free from suffering and that comforts me greatly.
Sometimes I look up at Heavens and smile, oftentimes I cry. I smile knowing she's happy up there, cry becos I selfishly want her with me. I regretted not treasuring her more when she's alive, not knowing I'd carry this much guilt with me. I sure know she doesn't blame nor want me to feel this way ever. I just can't help it.
I'm trying to be a better daughter, wife and mother. It makes me feel good when my loved ones are well taken care of.
I don't have much worries these days, my prayers consist of good health and stability in my household and our parents'.
I love watching my bump grow :) This life inside me brings great joy and peace and helps neutralise my grief and anger, even hatred. I can't wait to meet you, little newfound Hope. You're so desired in our lives even before you're born :)
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