The 'big secret'

I made a post about a secret I had last year and completely forgotten about it. I had been blogging in another space and totally neglected my original blog. So here I am paying my due diligence.

No drum rolls becos everyone knows by now that I'm pregnant. I'm almost entering my last trimester and the belly is growing bigger than ever. It's not big by most people's standards but I've never carried such a huge belly and so it's a big deal.

Just when you think you've settled into a comfortable routine of pregnancy, your hormones can and will change. I'm experiencing what some mothers go through - sleepless nights. I sleep up to ten hours at a stretch easily but not at night. I'm tired but I can't sleep. This is why I blog.

I still blog every other day, just not over here. I've often blogged about my personal life becos I regard it as a kind of diary for memories' sake. I love blogging whenever I'm happy, sad or confused. It helps me to process my feelings. I've so many outlets for internalising my thoughts and I love it.

People are visual creatures, I try to put up pictures whenever I can, they do tell a thousand tales. I'm limited by my phone's blogging capabilities and outdated apps that isn't compatible with my current iOS so pictures are gonna be scarce for now. Still waiting for them to upgrade the app to complement iOS 10.

Till that is fixed, I'll only be blogging without pictures.

A secret

I am so excited I can't sleep! When I try to sleep, I'm smiling with my eyes closed. 

I can't wait to break the news! It's gonna be epic! And those I let in on my little secret are so so excited about it. 

*hand over mouth like a little girl*

Bird types

Recently at work, the topic seems to revolve around certain personality type tests. Due to the nature of insurance, we have to be adaptable and often that means being malleable to adopt different communication style to engage people.

Of course, likeness will always attract likeness. I'm pretty much an eagle (peacock is a close second) and dominant type and the people I work with are usually similar or directly opposite of my traits (dove). I've my favourite type of clients that I love working with as it complement my core traits, but that's rare. 

We love playing "guess what is his/her personality bird type" in my team, it's usually very self explanatory what everybody really thinks of each other. 

Friends might be surprised but I always, and I mean ALWAYS, get 'owl' or 'conscientious' for those who get the DiSC test better. It means the same thing. The second consensus shocked me: It's followed by 'dove'. 

I get why colleagues think I'm an owl, since I work a lot and spare no efforts in poring through minute details of every planning process for client. My desk is neat and organised, but well stocked. I can get very intense (eagle) and detailed (owl) about things that matters. I might seem idealistic and want things done properly. I am eager to impart little nuggets of wisdom to the newbies (owl). 

Which brings me to the next point on why I started this post. A sweet new colleague was sharing with me about her past experiences before she joined us and mentioned how I was used as an example to help her gain new insights.

"Boss said 'Every strong and tough person often comes with a story. Michelle is very tough and prideful because of her past but she's slowly changing. She's tough on you guys but she really cares. That's her way of showing her love. She cares for the people around her and she shows it through tough love.' And that's why I think you're feisty but caring."

Aww I melted into a puddle right there and then. Now I know why people think I'm fierce (when I feel like it's a natural part of me). Eh, it's just tough love. Ok? :)

I digress on purpose. But in fact, I'm not an owl. My owl and dove are concluded with super low single digits on the scale. I wish I am an owl though. Owls and Eagles make such a powerful combination. Owls type have awesome traits that I wish I have. 

On what others think of me as a dove... Eagle and dove are clashing elements in the bird personality test. It's like saying you're freezing but don't want to wear clothes. Basically that's what it means to have clashing behaviours right?

I realised my dove surface whenever I intentionally take the time to fully comprehend certain issues before passing my opinion. And being patient enough to repeat reminders, run through work processes while stalling my own work, being understanding and generally submissive even though I'm headstrong in my beliefs. Yes I suppose it clashes.

It's all me. And I'm all parts of a bird if you will.

Hardly mentioned peacock; everybody got it right. Zero debates about that. As a proud peacock would tell you, being presentable is not just important, it's an art.

Indeed it shows through my dressing and social behaviours.

Virus attack

Trying my best to get better so I don't miss out on my social calendar. What are these viruses made of anyway?! They're indestructible. Doctor said to let my immune system fight the virus; we just got to ride it out. 

It seems I merely caught a common cold. Started with a scratchy throat and congested nose. I know it's a matter of time that I'm all recovered. 

Be patient and disciplined, that's all I need to do. 

My only motivation is food: Can't wait to munch on durians when I'm better! 

Religion and its consequences

There are so many religions in the world yet increasingly more people are identifying as nonreligious. I pondered upon the effects of such an affiliation. Too educated? Too many insensitive bigots? Etc

I never actually considered myself to be in a religion. I see myself as having a relationship with God. My God is all about Love, He's merciful, compassionate, kind yet bold. I talk to my God all the time, and they don't always make sense. But God knows. He does. Because He is my God. Morally, I don't identify myself as a Christian, because it boxes up what it is all about. I am also not all that spiritual. Theoretically speaking, of course I am a Christian. But that's about it. Using religion as a form to categorise my belief and faith is too one-dimensional. 

I tend to blog whenever I'm upset (in the past) and happy (generally these days). Today is one of the former.

As much as I am not judgemental in my dealings with others, it's not quite the same as how I'd like to be treated. I don't judge someone who doesn't work and spend all her time in her room watching and rewatching shows day in and out. I don't judge because I'm not in her position. I do however remind her of the consequences. I am indifferent to her situation simply because it doesn't bother me that she's not a useful member of the society (she has to answer to her own morals and values in life later on, not me). I am quite simply, tolerant. I don't care for much to be honest. Few things bother me. 

I digress. That is not even what I wanted to talk about. But it was a nice warm up for sure.

Mainly, I get very agitated whenever Nick shoots down my latest reads or social movement because (though he doesn't say it), it is simply not religious enough for him. He reads the bible everyday, on top of that, he reads news regarding Christianity and even enjoy watching Christian films. It's all good. Until of course, he crosses the line and literally tells me not to read my Quora (doesn't give me any reasons) and only said "it's weird and talks about religions."

OMG. Bigoted, narrow minded and one tracked minded much?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yeah thats the kind of Christian I really despised. I also despises a Christian who judges others' religions because that's the worst kind of person one can be. I truly believe there's only one God, and others having their own beliefs in other Gods or idols doesn't bother me. They have to deal with God at a later time. Till then, I always believe the way through another person's heart is not to be judgemental (duh!) but to have love, understanding and tolerance for other's beliefs. How else do you get through to someone whom you genuinely wants to help? Surely, being judgemental is the one way ticket to NOPE. (Sorry only I get to berate my own husband that way because I am entitled to)

Shaking my head writing this because as a God-loving person, you are taught not to judge. But everyday I am judged by the same people who read the same bible and call the same God their God. 

Realising this post can be quite contradicting and hypocritical because as a human being, I am capable of being judgemental, yet I said I'm not (I used to say things like "Oh I judge you!" in jest but suppose there's a splice of truth in my responses). But this post is not about who I am and I only wanted to make a point.

Bintan Agency Getaway

On a regular Monday morning, we found ourselves amidst the swanky Swiss Belhotel at Lagoi Bay for our mid year review. It was a short ride away from the Crystal Lagoon at Treasure Bay that Alina & Ethan came back raving about. 

This was probably the most fun filled work retreat ever. Best part was coming back all rejuvenated and ready to go! Exactly what I needed. I reckon I hadn't been so happy and free spirited, cheeky even, in a long time. Bonding with my team and the newbies over meal times, BBQ night, water sports, our personal private card games night and pool party has never been more fun. Although I did mention it's a mid year review, truth was, it's a play and leisure trip. 




They say workplace is like our second home since we spend half our time in our jobs. When work and passion blurs the line, it hardly feels like work at all. Working with a great bunch of motivated people, with good heart, and head on their shoulder fills me up with pride.  




Ever since I started this job, I never actually felt like I was really working. Self employment wasn't an option until it became the option. I didn't regret going on this trip, and now I'll let the pictures do all the talking. 

What did I tell you? We sure had fun! Gotten myself a nice tan, with a nasty sunburn. Probably the nastiest I've ever had. Nick was very chiding of my terrible sunburn, "cancer" he said. I promised to repent for my sins. Weather was really good, though there were some 'vampires' who couldn't stand the sun. Pity couldn't upload videos on my mobile app, which were hilarious. Anyhoo. Till next time! Toodles xx