touched by two angels at my doorstep

received a call from ericia who hurried me to read her latest blog entry. between you and me, my dear blog readers.. what made this all the more special was that despite having a paper tomorrow, she decided i was more important.

it reminded me of the time that vincent came to surprise me and making sure i was on the phone with him all the way till it was a-okay to drop the surprise visit on me. it was my 18th birthday. i got home at 9ish 10 in the morning. when he showed up at my doorstep with a cake, we were both so shocked and happy and excited all at the same time, and not to mention, tired.

im so deeply moved by the effort and thought the girls put in to make my day. despite cat and viv not being able to join in as planned, i was already glad that it happened and im important enough in their heart =)

even though terence thinks that being old has nothing celebratory about it, im not bothering with what he thinks. birthdays are special because that means you have grown a year wiser in time. ill always look forward to my birthday till forever is through.

thank you ericia - who liaised with my sis to make sure i was at home and nowhere else and waited out in my frightening and dangerous neighbourhood alone; frightening cos the doors to the lift kept opening on their own (quoting from ericia, "your lift..super random..open by itself.. life of its own") and dangerous cos of stalkers lurking around.

and zoe - who traveled all the way from vivo to her house to grab her camera and then to my place again! i never knew i was so significant for these two sweethearts to go through all this trouble just to celebrate my birthday.

it was a smooth surprise - i was conned by my sis and ericia's made up story to trick me into staying at home, the mango fruit cake tasted great, all their tracks were planned out successfully.. im still replaying the scene in my mind, as fresh as it happened hours ago..

i feel fluffy warm inside and it has nothing to do with the heat from the elements.

go green - in more ways than one

you are what you eat. its true. im a firm believer. but striking a balance is what works for me - thats been my health motto since forever.

my colleagues are really embracing the health culture at work. i feel really happy for them cos i know they're going to feel real good about themselves after the diet. a long term committal change in diet makes all the difference in the world. ive been through a stage where i was once extremely health conscious but i gave up and diverted my attention towards indulgent food during the uni days when projects and exams meant stress coupled with a really bad patch i was going through...i kinda lost all logical health sense and feasted on comfort food to keep my sanity afloat. i sucked it all in - my problems, feelings and sorrow. instead, i chased after the short term happiness i found in "happy" food - literally, food that makes me happy.

till now, its still a lil hard to revert to my old healthy diet of fruits, veg and soupy food. i figured im never going to fully regain the old diet but one baby step at a time sounds pretty darn good to me right now.

i should first aim to sleep between 6 to 9 hours to get the ball rolling. then i wouldnt be late for work so often. well, im working on it but it takes a while for the body to readjust to the new routine that it hasnt been subjected to for the past few years.

i dont know how im going to get that amount of sleep in, but im gonna try.

its my intern's last day today [technically] and we're gonna hold a mini celebration for him at phu. i had some pretty wild fun the last time i was there with my ladies. =)

aight world, im gonna try and fulfill my decision of retiring to bed earlier. so there, goodnight!

talking shop

ive never sat so much before i started work. i can already feel my butt expanding. on average, i sat from morning till before lunch. and the moment i come back from lunch, i sit again. but im not grumbling! friends who know me knows i suffer from agonizing archilles heel pain. but recently, ive found out how to combat that. i read a colleague's article and have been stretching the culprit i.e. activating the anterior tibialis (muscle) that's responsible for the pain. i dont even require the band. i just flex it without the band. so if you catch me twiddling my feet, its me flexing the muscle. fortunately for me, the pain's somewhat controlled.

viv had me and tl believe how fair yvonne really is. but when you put us side by side, i guess the contrast can only be nothing but obvious, huh?



a Personal Trainer (hint) this good looking? well, you can only find at Sky. ha!



photos were taken last week after their filming wrapped up at Sky. coincidentally, that was also the day viv met them at a yacht club.

we took timeout halfway through the photo and video shoot yesterday to talk shop. i met a lj-er whose blog i frequent regularly. it felt kinda surreal but it wasnt appropriate to disclose the desire to let her know "hey i read your blog" cos she was supposed to be a client and we were talking shop. i immediately took a liking to her. she was donning a cute looking turquoise head band and appeared to be grouchy but i dismissed it as hunger after she wolfed down a plate of beef goulash with brown rice at our cafe.

the world suddenly became very small and you start seeing the people you never thought you'd see.

when i was walking past the starbucks in harbourfront last week , i spotted sheila sim seemingly talking shop with a guy - it is the fashion festival and she's a model.

when you've read about the people before you see them, it become very strange when you look at them knowingly. but i usually leave it at that.

im feeling incredibly warm as im typing..
i need to get myself showered pronto.

i did it

survived through the day on 3 hours of sleep, FDOTTOTM, no food and water - no time for it - till the very end (by then it was 10ish PM) and well a huge dose of funny humour. god i love my job. no seriously, i do.

i get a day off today y'see!

god i love my job.

did i just repeat that?

god i love my job.

oops i did it again!

anyways, some behind the scene pictures of the photoshoot are up for your viewing pleasure.

lam chih bing's golf conditioning shots.











mitch's fight shape program.







the club itself.







our wine bar and lounge.
background - ain and linde (who shocked me with their friendship re acquaintance through the photo and video shoot). foreground - mr crazy ass funny guy robbert (goes out of his way to inject wacky laughs; couldnt really tell at first but man was he hilarious when he wants to be) and our lovely skype.











the sky system - a training program.



















its 4 plus now! the photos sure took damn long to load!

crazy day ahead

i dont know how im going to survive through the day but i will, no matter how difficult or trying.

my day will begin at 5am later but im beyond tired right now and quite incapable of resting. my body is crying for rest but the mind is not willing to let it. my body is breaking down and im feeling the result of ill rest - on my face.

ive got a photo and video shoot to oversee from 7.30am onwards. it'll be like amazing race - it will even amount to something exciting if a problem presents itself to be a damn challenge to resolve.

if i managed to live through today without a glitch, that'd be magic.

unfortunately, i dont believe in magic (even though i love JK Rowling for her writing).

i realized one thing men in general have in common - they only ever think of solving a problem. well whoever said its a bad thing anyway?

for me? i see it as a private motto that got me going everytime i face a crisis: if there's a will, there's a way. well, there has got to be a way out in every situation! having optimism helps.

having said that, not every problem are meant to be solved anyway and not like every question definitely have an answer!

whats in my mind

being in a relationship is appealing to me.

but the status quo of hot and single but not looking for love appeals to me more. im not looking for passion but a passionate guy. there's an underlying irresistible charm about them.

im waiting to meet a like minded soul like that.

will the wait be worth while? we'll see.

iDecide to let the photos do the talking

im too tired to write. the photos shall justify the event.

event program: iDecide
theme: red
location: raffles city convention hall

Highlight: the food

































with the intern.








































mitch (a male colleague) giving a talk.



a colleague remarked something about the national colours.















beneath the convention hall are throngs of connected escalators

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

year after year, i thought of celebrating my birthday with a bang. it never happened due to many external factors. i thought i would celebrate it this year in style. but forget it. its not going to happen for another year.

last year was a brilliant surprise organized by viv together with the sim clique. celebrated last year's with TL whose birthday falls on precisely TODAY.

just wished him on gmail but i received no reply.. its alright. im sure he's enjoying his day already =)

here's myself and TL last year.



has it been one whole year already? it felt like yesterday that the picture was taken.

even if the day is almost over..

i can so identify with this



everything sounds precariously close to the truth.

while i was laying in bed during the wee hours of the morning [technically it was 1ish AM], i had a thought - a sudden one. the thought soon became an answer. i knew it had to be. it makes so much sense...why i had been kept waiting for so long. i did not dismiss the thought; it wasnt a painful one. this thought was a strong realization of who he is or has become. such naive misguided feelings contained within the abyss of my soul all throughout this long wait and who do i blame but myself.

over some time, seeking out novelty was your convenient way of justifying past events. i wont and cant stop you. its your prerogative. its not wrong, but its not right either.

"no one knows the real me now or what im capable of doing", those were words uttered in contempt.

i tried to understand where it was coming from. i grappled with it for a long time. maybe i missed out something during our talks? but i surrendered in defeat. it was beyond me. meaning to help out of concern but deemed more of a burden, i had left behind irreparable mess and destruction. thus i resolve not to get involved anymore. it will hold true to the end, a verbal agreement i made under duress and in tears.

i still wish you the best, thats all i can muster after coming to terms with it this time round.

im glad a few of the answers were found even if some were conjured to fill the gaping hole.

i can say this using a hundred different ways but it all means the same thing - love is a double edged sword. it cannot be farther from the truth. it serve as a reminder of my irrecoverable youth rather than intended for anyone of you.

unfortunately, im letting all these gnaw away at me tonight because im not strong enough to repel it. because i can feel the PMS trudging along looking for a friend to infect.

i finally understood why my eye has been twitching for the duration of this whole week. the wiser sis quipped i havent been getting enough sleep.

aye! aye!

no wonder i felt so testy the entire day! and churn out such emotional entry as a result.

dear readers, i cannot and should not be taken seriously tonight.

well, more work related event happening tomorrow. i dont wanna be stuck here all night long. gonna let my body run under a nice hot-warm water to de-tense the mind and body.

enjoy all but a great weekend ahead!

i want to R&R badly

it's crazy but my eye's still twitching. its been days. how do i get it to stop?!

i just finished some work. i thought i could get some R&R in but hell, no such luck.

many goals to work towards. even though im tired and lacked rest, but its worth it cos im happy. its comforting in a warped way.

met SW's girlfriend yesterday and talked to her for the first time - over work. through a series of coincidences, she turned out to be the colleague of one of my good friend, pinbing, and yes, also a fellow graduate from the uni. she asked about some of you - vivien, tl, ericia.. and so on. irene's very warm and extremely pleasant to talk to and we hung out a bit when my manager left us to our own device.

it has been said to death already.. we are a bunch of network, aren't we all? =)

peepers

my poor eye has been twitching a bit too intensely for the coupla days.

sad to say, ive tired them out completely.

well that's what i compelled myself to believe. im secretly fearful it might signify a bad omen.

i knnnooow.. trust me to be so superstitious.. except that, ive had clearly strong clairvoyance in the past.

ill leave it to whatever it is. i dont have time to think about this right now.

anyways, it was a short and sweet dinner/chill out sesh with cat, viv and tl at vivo. i met so many people at vivo today. i even saw edward from barracks but he seemed a lil confused when he saw me. i thought it was my long(er) hair that made me temporarily unrecognizable to him. he knew me as the girl with very short hair then. in the same breath, i also met julian from liquidroom. i was finally introduced to his girlfriend and wife-to-be. a confident young lady im glad to have met even though we only exchanged pleasantries. it didnt stop there. who else did i see when i was traveling home but sweekee. there are still more coincidences but honestly, ill just bore you to death with the stats.

singapore is just really small.

there's a warrior in me somewhere, said he.

i dont hate anymore. it's really draining, and frustrating and not effective. ive let up on the wrongs inflicted and trodden down memory lane many times over just because there were pretty good times. some were amazing. mostly, they were.

nostalgia night.

it's just not the same as i've hoped it would be.

and so i thought
i ought not.

letting go is just another chapter away.

destressing

what a crazy weekend put in, sourcing for photogs.

very pleasurably i have friends to while the weekend away with me.

did some catching up with viv (with the exclusion of essy who was down with a bad throat and fever, poor dear).

grainy pictures saw us at sentosa under the canopy of darkening sky.



needless to prove, it was a lovely evening. the sea did what it does best, at calming the work wreck in me.



i subsequently left viv to catch a pre-proposed movie, The Bucket List, with the boys. deep and adventuresome screenplay with talented actors. what not to love?

what did we do at kj's crib?



you tell me.

cereal for dinner

thats what ive been indulging in for the past 2 nights after work (ive been knocking off later and later). how healthy, huh?

i like my cereal at any hour of the day. its undoubtedly an all time favourite of mine.

with a generous pouring of milk thank you.

had an awful morning making plenty of calls! not only was mostly everyone on leave today, there was little assistance provided in sending my proposal over. unbelievable.

in other news, i was supposed to meet boon chong tonight after work but his cellphone batt went completely flat as soon as i answered his call so we didnt managed to pull off a late dinner after all. have you ever been caught in such an awkward situation? in retrospect, there was no way we could contact each other. all because the trusted technology failed on us (him especially) which we were pretty much heavily depended upon to begin with. alas. put the blame not on the technology but the user? we only have ourselves to blame are we not? oh well.

lastly, there's always time for parties no matter how busy i get... i cannot wait for the month of may to come.

feeling lumpy

having damn ulcers again.

i had it coming. wished i had drank enough water at work. my problem is just that im not one who down water by the gallons. i drink only when i feel like drinking, and that's rarely.

ulcers make me feel crappy.

ulcers and i dont co-exist very peacefully.

this week marked my close-to-1-month into the new career

reading the horoscope today was agonizing.



it probably doesnt mean anything to most of you but secretly, between those who understand.. reading it broke my heart.

the week before, i had the longest chat with my father over dinner one night. it was so meaningful and he made me feel so loved that i shed tears over his words. i never knew how much my father love me. but now i do.

its amazing seeing how much ive lost and gain within this short span of time.

i love yoga

...because it stabilizes my breathing. its worth a bunch of raves because sometimes i'd get so short of breath that i cannot focus on anything else but my breathing (or the lack of it) and i know its not asthma but rather something to do with the airways. like its blockaded or something, y'kno?

it feels exhilarating to breathe easy for a while. i felt surreal when i emerge from yoga classes and im in love with the idea of stretching and relaxing simultaneously. it makes me feel leaner all over again. and master suresh (the yoga master at my work place) had noted with relish that im actually quite flexible. he always tries to stretch our individual limits and thats quite intimidating yet wildly intoxicating at the same time.

on the work front, i must say im gradually getting the hang of things. the working hours fit me to a tee although its still a bit of a struggle waking up in the morning which dimly translates into im-really-not-much-of-a-morning-person.

well, health wise things are looking up as well. im getting back in shape all thanks to a more routinized lifestyle now. the occasional ulcers and outbreak still haunts me but ill soon see its demise if i take really good care of myself. er hopefully!

right, its a good night world and hello bed!

what consumes me?

perhaps my sentimentality, which i almost never really wanted to admit but did anyway.

perhaps my loyalty to all things that never kaput on me, is stabilized, reliable and steadfast all the way.

perhaps my excessive indulgence to fine food and fashion.

perhaps my sheer disappointment towards the unrepentant.

perhaps my innate encouragement for the wrongfully deserving.

perhaps my devoted love for friends, family and boyfriend (hypothetically).

perhaps my zealous love for life, living each day as if its the last.

perhaps my sanity that grows tumultuously in an inordinately mad world.

perhaps my careless optimism in view of negativity as is with growing societal concerns.

perhaps my arrogance in fighting for a worthy cause.

perhaps my persistence in pursuit of happyness [pun totally intended].

perhaps not of my sentimentality, loyalty, excessive indulgence, disappointment, encouragement, devotion, zealousness, insanity, optimism, arrogance nor persistence that consumes me.

perhaps, not what it is, but what i believe is eating away at me slowly, tortuously yet giving me the extra edge to renew my strength for the next battle.

perhaps is maybe, and maybe doesnt count.

addicted

ARGH.

moderation? checked!

food is God's greatest gift methinks. im the type of person who live to eat. good food can be soo orgasmic.

but sometimes too much of a good stuff is an overkill.

i lust for good plain (read: original) ole yogurt with no added sugar. oh the things i ingest to keep the system healthy.